Losing our religion

I think I had better start this piece with a disclaimer: I know very well that there are very good, very worthy priests (and nuns for that matter) who are doing a lot of commendable missionary work in their chosen fields. I particularly admire the nuns who run the creches and the priests who work with the poor and disadvantaged in Malta’s problem areas.

Unfortunately, they do not compensate, in the public’s mind, for those who transgress.  This is understandable, since it has been drilled and drummed into most of us from the time we attended our first catechism lesson, that those who represent the Church are (or should be) above reproach. Although the influence of religion on the mores of Maltese society has been greatly diluted in the last 50 years, it is still there, ever present, as part of our national social fabric.

One can hardly turn on a TV talk show without seeing a member of the clergy speaking on behalf of the Church. And even if their own lifestyle is far removed from the teachings of the Church, many lapsed Catholics find absolutely no contradiction in sending their children to a church school, packing them off to muzew in order to be able to do their Holy Communion and Confirmation, and basically raising their offspring as Roman Catholics, because….

The reports I have read about this case (if proven to be true) point to a man who, despite his mild-mannered appearance, seems to have been very manipulative and controlling.

Well, just because.   That’s simply the way it is.

I think that deep down, despite the dwindling numbers of those who attend Mass, most people still have a deep, visceral attachment to the Church. After all, is very difficult to shake off that kind of attachment built over years and years of indoctrination in an organized religion (which is why so many tend to rediscover their lost faith in moments of deep crisis, serious illness and on their deathbed).

It’s probably also due to this that (irrespective of their own lax morality) many were deeply shocked at the news that Fr Charles Fenech, of Kergyma and Radju Marija fame, seems to have been carrying on with a number of women.  We tend to hold the clergy to a higher standard than our own precisely because of what they represent.

Personally, however, after the initial inward gasp at the news, I’m afraid that my second immediate reaction was one of cynicism. “Another priest caught doing something he shouldn’t – so, what else is new?”

Let us not make the mistake of saying that the Church is in crisis because of some conspiracy to rake up all these sordid incidents now. The stories have always been there

Maybe it’s because I’ve heard too many stories from acquaintances about priests who have stepped well and truly over the line, abusing of their position in the same way that Fr Fenech allegedly did.  I’ve heard instances of naive young women being sent for priestly advice and being propositioned instead, and of newlyweds who go for spiritual guidance and are asked to describe their sex lives just a bit too graphically. And then there are those lonely, confused, emotionally unstable, very gullible, women who are seeking consolation and end up becoming sexually involved. From what has been reported, the woman who brought forward the complaint against Fr Fenech had just emerged from a trauma at the time, which required hospitalization. I understood this to be some form of mental breakdown or chronic depression, leaving her still very vulnerable at the time the relationship began.

The reports I have read about this case (if proven to be true) point to a man who, despite his mild-mannered appearance, seems to have been very manipulative and controlling.  There are many men out there like him, of course, but the little matter of him being a priest does give the whole story a more unsavoury twist.  All those people who willingly and trustingly worked with him at Kerygma must be reeling at the implications, and feeling almost tainted by association. 

Of course, it has to be said that the woman being mentioned in the Fr Fenech case could have just walked away; yet she  annulled her marriage, then broke up with her subsequent boyfriend and continued to prolong the relationship with the priest. And here is precisely where I find myself questioning the claims being made that this affair constituted sexual abuse. I simply find it hard to believe that the sex was not consensual. What I read sounds more like the usual ‘hath hell no fury of a woman scorned’ who realizes she is not that special after all, and is simply one in a string of women competing for the same man’s favours. She says she wanted him to leave the church for her, but he just kept making vague promises and never did. That doesn’t sound like someone who was a victim of abuse to me, but more like someone who was duped.

You find good and bad people everywhere, and this includes the clergy. They are fallible, they have flaws, and they are subject to the same human failings as the rest of us.

This obviously does not absolve any of Fr Fenech’s alleged immoral behaviour, which has dealt yet another blow to the already badly battered Maltese church. That the Church hierarchy failed abysmally by trying to keep this whole thing under wraps, goes without saying.  The story has also further dented many people’s faith, especially those who believe implicitly that men of the cloth take their vow of celibacy with utmost seriousness.

And let us not make the mistake of saying that the Church is in crisis because of some conspiracy to rake up all these sordid incidents now. The stories have always been there; the only difference was that in the past anyone speaking up against a priest or a nun would not have been believed, but would have been ostracized and shunned instead. Now, try as it might to desperately keep the lid shut down on these incidents, the Church is not succeeding.

Frankly, I have never assumed that whoever is a priest or a nun is automatically a “good” person. I have met my share of bullies and tyrants who, because they are in positions of power, have made the lives of others a sheer living hell. That they also happen to be wearing a dog collar or a habit is irrelevant; it is not the attire which makes you a worthy priest or a nun, but the personality and psychological make-up that lies beneath. Some are truly good. Others are truly nasty pieces of work. 

You find good and bad people everywhere, and this includes the clergy.  They are fallible, they have flaws, and they are subject to the same human failings as the rest of us.  You will find that they too are prone to envy, pride, pettiness and even devious behaviour, especially if they feel that their position is being threatened or when they are trying to manoeuvre the maze which is the “politics” of the church. And while it is unfair to tar everyone with the same brush, can you blame people if, when they attend Mass, they start to wonder about the priest who is lifting the sacrament? 

As for women who continue to be taken in by smooth-talking priests, maybe it’s about time they wised up, stopped fooling themselves and understood their own part in all this.