Are fathers punished by the courts?

For: Flimkien MIssirijiet Inqumu - Il-Papà Jhobbok Ukoll

As soon as a father steps into the courtroom, the situation is immediately against them if they are male.

Is it fair that hearings are held in courtrooms, sometimes without air conditioning, where a man who does not wear a tie and a blazer can be found in contempt of Court? Women who wear a blouse and blazer on the other hand are not liable for anything, but if a man dresses in this manner they are in contempt of Court. This comparison is far from frivolous for Flimkien Missirijiet Inqumu. Indeed, it is the tip of the iceberg, as there are various other ways in which men experience discrimination when compared to women.

Mediation is the primary bone of contention for FMI. Why does society appear to perceive that when child custody is split equally between a father and a mother, that is a man and a woman, this is a victory for the father and a loss for the mother? We are indeed critical of the norm in separation and divorce cases where children are generally assigned to live with mothers, rather than simply following a principle of equality where custody is equally shared between both parents.

FMI also has qualms on issues relating to accusations of domestic violence. Are studies being carried out on how certain lawyers with a relatively large share of clients, accuse their partners of domestic violence? On how, coincidentally, many of these charges tend to be a photocopy of each other? What legal retribution exists for those who are found to have levied false accusations? Do they get to be doubly charged with what they have accused the other person of? Do they get fined for damages that can at least cover the legal expenses for those who are falsely accused? Do doctors who issue false medical certificates, lose their warrant if these accusations are unproven?

Flimkien Missirijiet Inqumu believes the system makes it easy for malicious accusations to be made, especially when the length of time these cases take up, the accuser can still win, whatever the outcome of the accusation.

What about the problematic issues inside the courtroom. Why are hearings not recorded? Are magistrates’ sentences being reviewed and checked, to see if there is a chance that ‘Magistrate A’ is ruling against a particular gender and Magistrate B against the other gender? Can court sittings be recorded so that the proceedings of the hearing are minuted exactly? There are situations during which a magistrate utters a comment that is then not written and reproduced in the court minutes. One can only wonder why it was not written down.

When a man is accused of an act of domestic violence, it seems that they are already guilty before evidence has been presented in court. Such men have limited time with their children, and are always under supervision even though they have not yet been proven guilty. In many instances, the legal and policing system fails to empathise with such men, ignoring the possibility that these men could be innocent, and as such are already facing an uphill battle in defending themselves.

Court delays are another harsh reality. For example, children still in primary school when their parents’ court proceedings start, might end up fishing their compulsory school educaton without the case even being settled. Nobody can give these children back this lost time. Indeed, months may pass between one court sitting and another, with hearings postponed on any excuse, and they are various: ranging from lawyers’ parents’ days, court officers being sick or on leave, papers forgotten or lost but eventually found, lawyers’ absences, court experts unable to cope with their workloads, or court officials unavailable to minute the proceedings.

Meanwhile, fathers are waiting. For Flimkien Missirijiet Inqumu, this lost time will never be recouped. Contemporary society is now characterised by a younger generation without fathers as role models. And it is the family that is suffering, and now on course for even greater suffering for future generations.

Aganist: Prof. Marceline Naudi Lecturer, Department of Gender and Sexualities

Our society still operates on the traditional gender stereotypes… Although much has been done to attempt to eradicate these sexist stereotypes, and although on paper it would appear that a lot has changed, at the end of the day, these stereotypes continue to form a sub-stratum, just below the surface, which seeps upwards and continues to affect our lives in many different ways…

The stereotypes tell us that, in heterosexual relationships, the man is the provider, the breadwinner and that the woman is the carer, the nurturer. This latter translates into being responsible for all the housework (physical and emotional), the wellbeing of the children, the other family members (ageing parents, in-laws), etc.

Of course, many people today will say, this is no longer the case… Many of the women also work outside the home, some part time and some full time, so they too contribute to the household income – and indeed this is correct. And some of the men also help with the house chores – this too is correct. However, the default responsibility for the household and all who sail in it remains firmly on the woman. In Maltese we use expressions like, ‘Jaħsilli l-art’ or ‘Jonxorli l-ħwejjeġ’ which clearly demonstrate where the responsibility is seen to lie.

Now… these stereotypes affect us often without us even being conscious of them. They are subtle and insidious – they affect how we see things, our perceptions, our realities, the way we live our lives…

So whether you occupy the lower rungs of society’s hierarchy, or the higher rungs, a care assistant or a psychiatrist or a judge, you are likely to be affected by this ‘unconscious bias’. This would probably mean that as a mother, as a wife, you do everything you have to do for the wellbeing (physical and emotional) of your children and spouse, even if you also have employment outside the home, because your primary responsibility is the home, as befits a ‘good’ mother/wife. And if you are a father you may do less in the ‘home’ because your primary responsibility is bringing the money in, as befits a ‘good’ father/ husband.

When relationships crash and burn, as sometimes they do, the stereotypes still continue to affect our lives… So most people would consider and perceive a woman, as opposed to a man, as the main nurturer, carer of little children – they would perceive her as the best option for the children. And indeed they would often also be correct in that assumption… Whilst each relationship/family is unique in some ways, there are also many other ways in which they are similar. If mummy has been the one mainly doing the cooking, feeding, ensuring clean uniforms and sports stuff, looking after sick children, helping with the homework, listening to worries and fears, etc. then mummy is probably the best option to mainly continue doing so… If daddy has not really been very present in the children’s lives, then should he expect to get ‘equal access’ now that the relationship has crashed? What about what’s best for the children? They are already having to deal with many changes, uncertainties, etc. – should we add to them? If, however, on the other hand, daddy had been carrying a fair share of responsibility for the doing of the ‘house’ and caring stuff, then that’s different… then enabling him to continue to do so should make the children’s lives easier.

We also know, of course, that sometimes relationships crash and burn just because they do, because people change, or life happens, but sometimes they crash and burn because bad things were happening within them, such as domestic violence and abuse. And in our society, where traditional gender stereotypes still hold sway, where men are seen as the leaders, as the heads of households, the controllers, then it’s not surprising that domestic violence (of all types: physical, emotional, coercive control, economic, sexual etc.) continues to exist.

In such cases we really need to be super-careful… Persons who are abusive towards their partners, especially in the presence of children, do not generally make good nurturers of children… And this regardless of their gender, though we also know, as research clearly shows, that men are disproportionally the perpetrators, and women disproportionally the victims in cases of intimate partner violence (IPV).

So in the vast majority of cases of IPV we need to look out for the children’s wellbeing, which should always come before the wishes or wants of the parents. And abusive persons will at times continue their abuse and control through the court system – and try to camouflage this as parental concern. That this happens, we know, and this shows flagrant disregard for the children they are professing to love.

So… it’s not as simple as to say men are discriminated against in family court in relation to access or custody, etc. of children.

Yes, sometimes they are – and this is down to the unconscious bias which tends to be found within us all, including judiciary and other legal professionals – but often this is not done with intent to discriminate, but rather through a lack of awareness of the way the stereotypes affect us. Women encounter discrimination in all the different aspects of their lives – again often due to unconscious bias.

But using the court system to further perpetrate abuse on your partner, and using your children to do so, that is done with intent, and not with unconscious bias – and that should never be tolerated in a court of law!

Unity Gazzetta is a collaboration between MaltaToday and the Faculty for Social Wellbeing