Supporting couples as they transition to parenthood | Ingrid Grech Lanfranco

Dr Ingrid Grech Lanfranco, Department of Child & Family Studies

The transition from couple to parents is one of the major milestones in the life of a couple. Despite preparation, anticipation, and planning, the changes that the arrival of a baby (or babies, sometimes) bring to a couple are beyond preparation! Couples, whether living together or separately, would usually have been accustomed to a particular lifestyle and routine, social life, work and leisure schedules. The transition to parenthood necessitates that what was previously customary and predictable, becomes, at least for some time, uncertain and different.

Adjusting to the new baby, even when this is not the first time, but more so when it is, requires a lot of energy. The tendency is for couple to focus initially on learning how to care for their child, making sure to tend to their child’s needs appropriately.

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As time goes by, with practice, what was initially new and overwhelming becomes more doable, and the levels of stress involved with adjusting to the transition, can start to decline.

As a clinician and researcher of couples and parenting, I find that one of the pitfalls that can accompany the transition to parenting is that the couple, now parents, forget that they are still a couple. So much energy has been put into becoming good or sufficient parents to their child, that their relationship as a couple is sidelined. Often, couples say they have ‘no time’ to think of anything else, they are ‘too tired’ because of the lack of sleep, or they may need to work extra to cope with increased financial burden as the family grows. Some couples work back-to-back to ensure that either one or the other is caring for their child at any one moment, and thus they hardly ever meet anymore. Unfortunately, whilst it does become realistically more challenging for couples to balance all their responsibilities and time, leaving their relationship on the back-burner does not augur well for the future sustainability of the relationship and effectiveness as parents.

Therefore, all efforts need to be made to support couples to continue to invest in their relationship. Finding creative ways to spend time together, getting support from family and friends, making use of childcare services, or maybe even attending a parenting programme together that focuses on their relationship, are all possible ways to enhance and prioritise the relationship.

The stronger the couple relationship, the better the parenting relationship, and ultimately the greater the positive impact on the child’s wellbeing and development.