Keepsakes on the journey to retirement | Patricia Bonello

Dr Patricia Bonello, Department of Social Policy and Social Work

I am a social worker by profession and was a full-time academic with the Department of Social Policy and Social Work, within the Faculty for Social Wellbeing, for four and a half years, between January 2018 and September 2022, when I retired, having reached the age of 65. In this short article, I am going to focus on a few things that I have learnt throughout my career and beyond and which I hope to take with me into retirement. These are keepsakes for me, and I am sharing them, too, as an invitation to you to reflect upon them and, should you see them as applicable to you, use them in your own lives.

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The first keepsake I would like to present is “Walk the talk”. I am not sure about the precise origins of this lesson, but I know that, as I have grown older, I have become more convinced that, in order to be credible, I need to walk the talk. I expect this of myself, first and foremost, and I am also aware that I leave an impact on people by what I do not by what I say. Age has also made me more able to see through people who talk the talk, but do not walk the talk. I find myself becoming less tolerant of what I see as a sham, even within myself. I am aware that talk is cheap and easy but, if it is not matched by actions, it is useless. My admiration is reserved for people’s actions not for their rhetoric.

The next keepsake is, “Be humble and keep your feet on the ground”. This lesson has its roots in my upbringing, but it was reinforced by my experience with anxiety. For many years, I struggled with anxiety to the point where I had panic attacks and even periods of depression. I would have given anything to get rid of this anxiety, which I felt was seriously impeding my life. At the same time, the periods of anxiety created a vulnerability in me which knocked down my illusion of strength. The road out of anxiety was not easy and it left me with the realisation that I, like other people, could be knocked down by a feather. So, be humble and keep your feet on the ground.

Another keepsake is “Count your blessings”. Life has taught me that difficult times are inevitable. When looking at the world around us, suffering is abundant and has a habit of overshadowing the positive aspects of life, unless an effort is made to focus on our blessings and be grateful for them. I do keep in mind that, in some circumstances, I have to stay with the pain, rather than count my blessings. At the same time, counting my blessings may prove to be an investment which helps me when I need to stay with the pain.

Another keepsake is one which many people who I have worked with see as typical of me, “Trust the process”. I see myself as a perfectionist for whom control is very important. However, ironically, there have been many periods in my life, when I have been totally out of control over what is happening. I have learnt that, sometimes, there is nothing I can do except trust the process. And, if I ride the wave and, in difficult times, keep in mind that this, too, will pass, I will get through it. Possibly scarred, but perhaps stronger for having gone through the experience. It is what builds resilience!

I am aware that there have been loads of situations in my life, including mistakes, which I have not learnt from. At the same time, these keepsakes form part of my experiences and make me who I am today. To end this short article, I am going to plagiarise the St Francis prayer and ask those of you for whom prayer has no significance to focus on the words, instead of their spirituality. “Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.” This prayer encapsulates three lessons I wish to learn. I wish to have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to trust the process, as it were. I wish to have the courage to change the things I can change, to not be ashamed of doing what I think is right, as it were. I also wish to learn to know the difference between the two.

Perhaps if I carry this wisdom into my retirement, it will help me to continue to live life to the full, to be present to all my experiences, to cope with what life throws at me and to be with people while they go through their pain. I wish this for me but I also wish it for you and would like you to reflect on how you can use this and the other keepsakes I have presented to you.