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Eurovision | Cliffhanger finale as Ukraine pips Australia with popular vote

So that's it: Ira Losco leaves the Eurovision with a stunning performance but 2016 was not Malta's to win... still: brava Ira! Ukraine wins, Australia and Russia are runners-up, while Malta ends in 12th place

wayneflask
Last updated on 15 May 2016, 12:46am
by Wayne Flask
Ukraine's performer Jamala has won the Eurovison Song Contest 2016
Ukraine's performer Jamala has won the Eurovison Song Contest 2016
Ira Losco... well done!
Ira Losco... well done!

We are back tonight with our live-blog for the Eurovision Song Contest final... CLICK HERE TO REFRESH

00:45 This is all from me, I'm off to join some hapless Ukrainians for a carcade close to Bugibba. Thanks to all of you for your time and attention, thanks to Matthew, Teo, Miriam and the other Matthew for their assistance throughout, over and out. Wayne Flask
00:45 Explosion. Bats. Curtain falls. The end. Matthew Agius
00:43 And a couple of heads on a spike too. Wayne Flask
00:43 Of course, we look forward to a witchhunt in the coming weeks. Wayne Flask
00:42 As for Malta, we're a disappointing twelfth, which is kind of waaaay below what all of us were hoping for. Wayne Flask
00:41 Needless to say Putin is running his fingers along a map somewhere close to Kiev, with Lavrov looking on excitedly. Wayne Flask
00:41 Well done Ukraine and your duduk! Wayne Flask
00:37 Russia da or niet? Wayne Flask
00:37 Ukraine pounces in top spot with a feline sprint. Wayne Flask
00:35 To say this is disappointing is an understatement. We deserved a better placing. I expected a top five at least. Wayne Flask
00:34 Prince McHammett from Poland could end up having more points than us. Wayne Flask
00:33 Russia, Ukraine and Australia to fight it out. Wayne Flask
00:32 The last few minutes make for painful viewing. We're down to eighth. Wayne Flask
00:28 Sixteen points. That's all folks. Wayne Flask
00:28 Gnawed my hand clean off. Tense Matthew Agius
00:27 We're tense. Wayne Flask
00:27 Televotes - will it or will it not overturn the jury's votes? Wayne Flask
00:25 Yeah the Australian singer is going to have a lemonade with her crew. Somebody offer her a bottle of Krest see what happens to that. Wayne Flask
00:24 We're actually ahead of favourites Russia, but a distant fourth from the top spot owned by Euraustralia. Wayne Flask
00:23 Howard Keith apparently doesn't know where Montenegro is, as we get 7 points from Sweden. Wayne Flask
00:23 Pop the champer - we get 12 from Montenegro. Wayne Flask
00:22 Nice of you Hungary, 10 points. Wayne Flask
00:21 Totally ignored by everybody. Wayne Flask
00:20 Zero from Poland too. We haven't seen twelve points at all tonight. Anton didn't smile enough I guess. Wayne Flask
00:20 Five points from Italy and a frozen Alberto Margherita. Wayne Flask
00:19 The Ukrainians have overdone it with the spirits I guess. Wayne Flask
00:19 The vodka is strong in Ukraine Matthew Agius
00:18 Same from Estonia. Thanks for the thought lads. Wayne Flask
00:18 Albania give us two points. Yay, much wow. Wayne Flask
00:17 Macedonia sap all the enthusiasm away yet again. Wayne Flask
00:16 Ten points from Serbia, Teo's next of kin have voted wisely. Wayne Flask
00:16 Vilnius calling with yet another zero. Wayne Flask
00:15 Our table is now sagging like a pair of bison testicles thanks to a streak of zeroes. Wayne Flask
00:14 Oh dear, UK. Oh dear. Matthew Agius
00:14 The UK ignore us completely too. Wayne Flask
00:13 Belgium, zero. Wayne Flask
00:13 Disappointing news from Morocco Mole Matthew Agius
00:13 Australia give us zero as payback for Waltzing Matilda. Wayne Flask
00:12 Norway give us... zero. Wayne Flask
00:11 The Ruskies boost our table with 8 points. Wayne Flask
00:10 Ze Germans give twelve points to Israel, and zero to us. This is disheartening. Wayne Flask
00:09 Five points from the Belarus. Wayne Flask
00:09 Zilch from Israel too. Wayne Flask
00:09 Nuts. Matthew Agius
00:08 Australia to win the EV, Brazil to win Euro 2016. Wayne Flask
00:08 Teodor Reljic
00:06 Something strange has happened and we end up watching adverts for stuff we can't buy. Wayne Flask
00:06 Last minute passport deal with Israel? Matthew Agius
00:05 Fingernails chewed down to the knuckles Matthew Agius
00:04 Putin must be livid. You can't annex Australia so easily. Wayne Flask
00:04 Seventh overall. Winning is out of the question it seems, but we can get into top five maybe. Wayne Flask
00:03 Eight points from Armenia, who for some reason have Lawrence Gray reading out their votes. Wayne Flask
00:02 Reservoir Doggar from Moldova, they are very nice to give us 3 points. Wayne Flask
00:02 Le ta. Matthew Agius
00:02 4 points from France, we're ninth overall. Wayne Flask
00:00 A desperate housewivfjour from Denmark, we get zero from them. Wayne Flask
00:00 Australia is running away with the Eurovision. Wayne Flask
23:59 5 points from the happy Finn. Wayne Flask
23:59 Spain give us six points, their twelve go to Armenia. Wayne Flask
23:58 Have we just given the Queen 12 points? Oh, a CHOGM back payment. Wayne Flask
23:58 Ben Camille kisses some arse. Another ad for the Junior EV which leaves the Swedish compere looking tremendously uninterested. Wayne Flask
23:57 Another zero from Bosnia. Wayne Flask
23:56 Ah, we're falling back now with two consecutive zeroes. Wayne Flask
23:56 Ireland, thanks ta. Zero points. Wayne Flask
23:55 The Czechs give Sweden 12 points. We're second overall. Wayne Flask
23:54 San Marino, not very nice of you. 3 points? Wayne Flask
23:54 Azerbaijan's presenter gives 12 to Russia, before bursting into flame Matthew Agius
23:54 They give Mother Russia twelve points. A coloumn of armored tanks switches its engines off. Wayne Flask
23:53 The guy from the Peugeot ads appears for Azerbaijan. Wayne Flask
23:53 Iceland give us 4 points. Wayne Flask
23:53 Every man and his dog watches Eurovision in Iceland Matthew Agius
23:52 Austrians voted for Australia thinking it was their own country. Wayne Flask
23:52 Ok here we go with the Austrians giving us their votes. We get zehn punkte. Wayne Flask
23:50 Great. Let's draw out the agony even longer. Matthew Agius
23:49 Exhaustion is taking its toll in the newsroom. Way too many of us dancing rather idiotically. Wayne Flask
23:47 Out come the hoverboards to cries of "Gimmicky gimmickiness" Matthew Agius
23:46 Remember, I'll be giving a one star on tripadvisor to anybody not voting for Malta. Because I'm patriotic that way. Now, hand me a pork sandwhich Teodor. Wayne Flask
23:45 Oh no there's another useless filler, and possibly another one right after that. Wayne Flask
23:45 Voting's over at last, and now prepare your defibrillators: let's count 'em votes. Wayne Flask
23:44 Launch sequence start Matthew Agius
23:43 Eurodontyoufunnies Wayne Flask
23:42 Matthew Agius
23:42 Funny jokey joke time from the Swedishians. Wayne Flask
23:39 A quick look at the comment boards and some people have actually taken time out to check if Australia is really the birthplace of European civilisation. I'll give you another one: the earth is triangular. Wayne Flask
23:34 The people in the Lager advert look that good only after you've had ten pints. Wayne Flask
23:32 She's off faster than I could type her name and the bloody ads are on again. Wayne Flask
23:31 Destiny Chuckunyere takes to the stage for some bit of discreet advertising. Please, visit Malta u ħallu lira. Wayne Flask
23:30 Quick look at the bookies just to kill time, and we're primed for a top ten placing at best. Wayne Flask
23:28 Nothing is really happening right now. The MT censorship goon has fallen asleep next to me, whilst still firmly clutching the taser. Wayne Flask
23:26 The Tennessee kids - up to a week ago they were deep frying "chicken" in a grotty diner off the highway. Wayne Flask
23:25 hot diggity dayum Tenesse Kids! Matthew Agius
23:23 Whoops. 'Crazy is the new black' joke goes down as well as you'd expect... http://huff.to/1Xrxxl2 Teodor Reljic
23:20 There's a drumkit onstage. Most of those involved in the EV gaped at it in wonder for hours during the past week. Wayne Flask
23:20 I'm voting for Justin Matthew Agius
23:18 Teodor Reljic
23:17 Like Juventus in football, Sweden remained continentally relevant in music until the 90's. Then it all went in the shape of the pear. Wayne Flask
23:16 I take that back: Paula Abdul and Roxette. Wayne Flask
23:16 Another Swedish mockumentary telling us what they've done best for 42 years: kitsch music with a very bad choice of clothes. Wayne Flask
23:14 Teodor Reljic
23:14 Sit down, Sinead traffic cone thief Matthew Agius
23:13 Singers from all over Europe falling all over each other to swoon at a very short man. The last time that happened, France invaded Russia and lost. Wayne Flask
23:12 He's actually seen the last two years. Somewhere a lie detector has just gone off. Wayne Flask
23:12 Oh well if it isn't Justin Timberlake, in what is the most useless TV appearance of all time. Wayne Flask
23:10 Last I checked Russia is at war with at least two other entrants. Our resident commie sympathisers don’t expect things to boil over into violence, however. Matthew Agius
23:10 Anton Attard's body language carries the eloquence of the party starter. Wayne Flask
23:09 While the votes are being cast, just going to throw this out there: Australia. Just why? Don’t they have enough problems with dingoes and Kylie Minogue? Matthew Agius
23:07 If the Aussies win the Eurovision it will mean we'll be blogging Jetlagvision next year. Wayne Flask
23:06 A quick statistic indicates we've insulted approximately 247 individuals, with a potential to kick off at least three continental wars and a civil commotion in Siberia. Wayne Flask
23:04 You heard them- get voting! Or not. It's fine. Matthew Agius
23:02 Voting is really easy. If you all want Malta to win, don't vote for anybody. Wayne Flask
23:01 "This seems like the longest night of my life." I kinda agree. Wayne Flask
23:00 Ohohoh Swedish jokey TV again. Wayne Flask
22:58 The Armenian entry is a favourite, no guesses as to why. Wayne Flask
22:56 Because Liverpool, you know, the Beatles, the La's, and Jakie Joes. Wayne Flask
22:55 Fisticuffs in the newsroom Matthew Agius
22:54 The UK’s Joe and Jake genuinely seem to be a couple of sound blokes. They don’t take themselves too seriously and can hold a note. Plus they’ve even got their “12 point faces” sussed. Matthew Agius
22:53 It's like watching Jedward but with an even greater urge to throw a brick at your TV set. Wayne Flask
22:52 Joe and Jake, two tyre thieves from Liverpool, are up next. Wayne Flask
22:52 Ok off you go and back into Disneyland Osterreich. Wayne Flask
22:51 Whose sister is she insulting? Wayne Flask
22:50 Our happy Austrian singing in French, a gentle throwback of the wars that ravaged Europe in the 1870's or something. Wayne Flask
22:48 (but the song, I quite liked) Matthew Agius
22:48 The European pederast demographic will not be impressed with "Nika Kocharov and Young Georgian Lolitaz." Matthew Agius
22:47 Matthew Agius
22:47 Sassuolo 3-1 Inter, Milan 1-3 Roma. That's Milan out of Europe faster than Britain. Wayne Flask
22:45 The Georgian Pete Doherty is out of rehab just in time. Wayne Flask
22:45 https://twitter.com/BuzzFeedUK/status/731585603624636416 Matthew Agius
22:45 Georgia are up next but we kind of don't really care anymore. It's all downhill. Wayne Flask
22:44 Brava. Wayne Flask
22:43 Teodor Reljic
22:43 Please kick that dancer in the nuts. Wayne Flask
22:42 Go Ira! Wayne Flask
22:42 This may well be the best song of the night IMHO. Matthew Agius
22:42 That irritating dancer pops out again. Wayne Flask
22:41 Personal Pension Plans. They are trying to tell her something? Wayne Flask
22:40 Some rather discreet advertising from that icecream brand. Wayne Flask
22:40 Teodor Reljic
22:40 Go Ira, we're all behind you. Wayne Flask
22:39 Ira is backstage getting ready. Anton Attard is in front of a mirror smiling, saying, "d'you think this is too much?" Wayne Flask
22:38 My duduk brings out the boys in the yard. Wayne Flask
22:37 There's a region somewhere in Ukraine being annexed as we speak. Wayne Flask
22:37 Ukraine’s Jamala takes herself seriously, folks, very seriously. ”1944 is dedicated to my great grandmother. In this song I use complicated vocal technics, for instance, mugham. I also use a duduk which is a beautiful instrument. I can sing in any musical style. I’ve graduated from the Musical Academy as an opera singer, I was headliner of many international jazz festivals, and I sing a lot of folk songs of various nations.” All it needs is a “but my greatest virtue is my humility.” Matthew Agius
22:37 The Ukrainian song is really two thumbs up to the Ruskies. Wayne Flask
22:36 Ukraine up next, then it's our turn. Wayne Flask
22:35 Matthew, is it IMODIUM! they scream together? Wayne Flask
22:34 Here's a man fighting nasty stomach cramps. Wayne Flask
22:34 Teodor Reljic
22:33 According to bio, Justs' pre-gig rituals involve “this hand thing with musicians I perform with: we stand in a circle and put our hands together and scream something in the end.” Help? Matthew Agius
22:33 A Latvian high achiever with a degree in Maths fights joblessness by singing. Wayne Flask
22:32 Latvia gives us Justs. Nothing more, nothing less. Just Justs. Matthew Agius
22:32 Arthur Caruana is excited again. Wayne Flask
22:32 That straightjacket, we can definitely do with Matthew Agius
22:32 Eurovision goes Ryanair now. Special offers. Buy this buy that, but we really need the straightjacket. Wayne Flask
22:31 Just seven entries to go, it's looking less like an ordeal at the dentist's now. Wayne Flask
22:31 u Barei bid-daqq. Matthew Agius
22:30 She crashes to the floor, just like the Spanish economy. Wayne Flask
22:29 I'mma do a lil crazy dance now Matthew Agius
22:29 One question: did she go for a siesta instead of rehearsing? Wayne Flask
22:28 The Spanish entry, according to Arthur, is a mix of influences with names from half the All Music Database featuring in one point or another. Wayne Flask
22:28 Spain send a woman called Barei, thus raising two fingers at the anti-bullfighting crowd. Matthew Agius
22:27 Cool background bro Matthew Agius
22:26 If he doesn't win, his sojourn in a two star in Omsk (Siberia) awaits him. Wayne Flask
22:25 Winger Lazarev and the five thunderbirds of the apocalypse are reminiscent of armoured tanks parading in front the Kremlin. Putin likes this. Wayne Flask
22:25 Eurovision. It gives you wings Matthew Agius
22:24 A lot has been said this week about LGBTIQ lobbying in the festival, with cynics accusing Malta of using this issue as a Unicorn of Troy. Wayne Flask
22:23 Gagarin Lazarev from Russia. It's time for the favourites. Wayne Flask
22:23 Russia has bucked the Eastern Bloc trend of sending attractive females to win over Europe. Sergey Lazarev is in touch with his sensitive side, though - we’re told that after rescuing a dog from a shelter, he started a business called The Confectionery for Pets, which may or may not have something to do with vodka. I fully expect him to rip his face off and reveal himself to be Vladimir Putin in disguise. But only if he wins. Matthew Agius
22:23 "Thanks for following PBS..." says Arthur Caruana. Like we have a choice. Wayne Flask
22:22 Nina's not doing very well. At her worst she reminds me of Dolores from Cranberries. Wayne Flask
22:22 wait. What? Matthew Agius
22:21 Oh Nina Kraljic, Miss I'm-Sorry-I'm-Late-I-Got-Entangled-in-Some-Barbed-Wire Wayne Flask
22:20 Yet another outtake from Jodorowsky's Dune Teodor Reljic
22:20 actually, they've just sent a battle mech instead Matthew Agius
22:20 Croatia’s entry is called “Lighthouse.” Their singer wouldn’t look entirely out of place atop one. Wait guys, Nina Kraljic is actually pretty sound-she likes video games, writing and doesn’t like partying. High five! Matthew Agius
22:18 A 360 degree sonic wave from Mortal Kombat and a mid-air strip is what they're paying me to comment about tonight. Wayne Flask
22:18 "I've been waiting for this night" to end Matthew Agius
22:17 Great stuff from the Lithuanian chappie who looks like pretty much everything that is wrong with the music industry right now. Wayne Flask
22:16 The Lithuanian entry: "I've been waiting for this night." Let's say I share the same enthusiasm. Wayne Flask
22:15 All the way from Lithuania, via the Sopranos, comes Donny Montell, whose sculpted torso is covered in tats, automatically making him fooking nails. Matthew Agius
22:15 The Serbian entry is mostly ex-paramilitary pet vultures. Wayne Flask
22:14 No pocket knife here, but I'm glad my native country sent a Nightwish knock-off rather than a something-else knock-off... Teodor Reljic
22:13 Serbia is onstage now, so we all quieten down in case Teo decides to produce his famous "pocket knife". Wayne Flask
22:12 The Cypriots have dashed off as their electronic bracelet has gone off: they are wanted for quadruple murder. Wayne Flask
22:12 Goodbye Shelter - all clear sounded Matthew Agius
22:11 Did I just see wolves? Matthew Agius
22:10 A. They already have a garage. Wayne Flask
22:10 Q. Why is Willie Mangion not in this band? Wayne Flask
22:09 Teodor Reljic
22:08 Cyprus have sent a band, Minus One - possibly referring to their country’s current bank balance. Matthew Agius
22:08 Cypriot serial killers rock. Wayne Flask
22:07 Cyprus throw a TV out of the window in their promo video, something I'd love to do right now. Wayne Flask
22:07 Strong performance from the Australia, the irritating joker in a pack of cards. Wayne Flask
22:06 Teodor Reljic
22:05 Plays around with a touchpad and she gets to be one of the favourites. Oqgħod agħmel l-kowtijiet teknoloġiċi. Wayne Flask
22:04 Beats me how an Australian could be silent. Wayne Flask
22:03 Australia, the birthplace of European civilisation, is now on stage with the "Sound of Silence." Wayne Flask
22:02 Oh look a Maltese family needing GPS to find some fried chicken. Wayne Flask
22:01 ADVERTISING! YAY! Wayne Flask
22:00 What colour is your life? Yours has taken a brownish tinge. Wayne Flask
22:00 Thanks Weird Al Matthew Agius
21:58 I think it's Kenny G, with a goatie he swapped for his alto saxophone... Matthew Vella
21:58 Durer crossed with Kenny G. What a time to be alive. Teodor Reljic
21:58 Kirk Hammett has had a traffic accident. Crashed into Freddie Mercury. Now looks like Prince. Wayne Flask
21:57 The Poles are up next, with their version of Kirk Hammett feeding a squirrel. Wayne Flask
21:56 Unfortunately my inner Far-Rightist tells me to beware the multicultural invader : J’ai cherché sounds like it could mean “I am Xerxes”. Clear agenda there, null point. Matthew Agius
21:56 Judging from the deluge of photos you're tweeting in, it appears most of you are either i) drunk ii) wearing hideous nightgowns iii) wearing hideous makeup. Wayne Flask
21:56 Amir is emanating so much roguish charm, even I’m liking the guy. Matthew Agius
21:54 Dear readers, kindly appreciate that around 85% of the jokes being told tonight have never made it past the firewall. I have a lawyer sitting next to me with - is that a taser you got there? Wayne Flask
21:53 France’s Amir was born in France to a Tunisian father and a Moroccan-Spanish mother. He also lived in Israel. So there. Matthew Agius
21:53 And of course behind every Germany there's a France. Wayne Flask
21:51 Jamie Lee? I thought her name was Gretel, who just made her way out of a grim basement without managing to get rid of the candyfloss that got stuck to her during the ordeal. Wayne Flask
21:50 Teodor Reljic
21:50 The Brothers Grimm would be proud... Teodor Reljic
21:50 If Donnie Darko was about Eurovision Matthew Agius
21:49 Ze Germans are on. They won't be leaving empty handed: their very ethically and thoughtful Troika has ensured the Greek backing vocalists will be on the flight to Germany as a severance payment. Wayne Flask
21:48 Next up: Teutonic Terror Jamie-Lee says she is obsessed with Japanese street culture, which is refreshing, if also a tad confusing. “There is nothing vulgar nor provocative about me and my art, as people might expect. I am rather reserved. I enjoy what I do very much. I love to practice; many think that kids my age aren't hardworking enough or have very little ambition. I also find myself quite funny! (laughs).” OK everyone, Jamie’s here - remember, laugh at her jokes and whatever you do, don’t mention the war. Matthew Agius
21:48 His makeup team did quite a job of the acne treatment, has to be said. Wayne Flask
21:47 If I were a salt, I'd be a bath salt #justsayin Matthew Agius
21:47 "If I were assault..." Wayne Flask
21:45 Sweden show us Hanson is still alive somewhere out there. Wayne Flask
21:45 Like Alt-J crossed with Barney the Dinosaur Teodor Reljic
21:45 The home side are on with an employee of the now shuttered SAAB doing the honours. Wayne Flask
21:45 Frans. Not il-hamallu, unfortunately. He’s 17 and says his dad was crowned prince of Ogboh. Today, Frans, you are King of M’Ogbohkx. Matthew Agius
21:44 Not bad for a traffic cone Matthew Agius
21:43 Her coat has gone nuclear. Probably they found it in the recycling bin behind the venue, something the Maltese ditched in the "plastic" bin. Wayne Flask
21:43 Teodor Reljic
21:43 A shout goes to all the Bulgarian brothers watching us from Bugibba. Top meats you got there. In the restaurant I mean. Wayne Flask
21:42 Bulgaria's Poli Genova has many talents, according to her bio. Outfit selection, sadly, not one of them Matthew Agius
21:41 Bulgarian entry is copying Miriam Christine Borg's elegant footwork from a few years back. Wayne Flask
21:38 Mr. Star apparently “also wrote and composed songs for other singers and was asked to join the dubbing ensemble for the Hebrew versions of Disney and Pixar box office hits including Frozen, Lego, Cinderella, Inside Out and others.” Times must be hard for a man of this calibre to resort to Eurovision to put bread on the table. But that is no ordinary bread - it’s Hovis Soft White. Matthew Agius
21:37 Millenials rejoice! My Chemical Romance are back. Teodor Reljic
21:37 Israel. Ken Livingston has just turned over to Match of the Day on the Beeb. Wayne Flask
21:36 Israel's Hovi Star. That is no ordinary star- it’s the Death Star. Matthew Agius
21:35 Organic apples, buy, you want to buy? Wayne Flask
21:35 There's a very clear risk of her hitting somebody in the eye if she keeps waiving her arms like David Seaman rushing out to pick up an oncoming cross. Wayne Flask
21:34 Nessun grado di separazione, a song written just outside the Ecclesiastical Tribunal. Wayne Flask
21:33 Flower display onstage proudly taken care of by Jason Micallef himself. Wayne Flask
21:33 If her English is as good as Renzi's we're in for a fun ride... Teodor Reljic
21:32 The Italians are up next. Italian delegation complained of the lack of pizzerias in Stockholm. Wayne Flask
21:31 Sounds slightly off key, our Baywatch Buchannon of the Buda. Wayne Flask
21:31 Teodor Reljic
21:30 He reportedly told the media "Aqta' kif se nifqa' party illejla. Għada għal Baia Beach?" Wayne Flask
21:29 His name is Freddie. Some people call him the Space Cowboy. Some call him the gangster of Pest. Wayne Flask
21:29 The girls are ready for Freddie... Teodor Reljic
21:28 A Hungarian chef, the goulash expert, is up singing about some undercooked recipe. Wayne Flask
21:27 Fun fact: I was about to make this my fave to win, but then I realised that the promo vid’s background music wasn’t the actual entry. No word of a lie. Matthew Agius
21:26 Red light goes on again - upstairs have warned us not to say anything about Samra in case they close the gas pipeline. Wayne Flask
21:25 I'm going to need a cigarette after this performance Matthew Agius
21:24 Azerbaijan’s artist is called Samra. http://www.eurovision.tv/save-files/resizes/8c/29/55/4c/95/3b/f6/76/88/f2/a6/8b/2a/d9/50/66/Eurovision_2016_-_Azerbaijan_-_Samra_web__19_.jpg U ha nghidlek sammritni b’dar-ritratt. From that photo, she looks like she has a trick or two up her sleeve. Her left, in particular (I’m sure it’s only talc). Matthew Agius
21:24 Samra from Azerbaijan, a jogger who frequently does the Sliema-Baku waterfront trail. Wayne Flask
21:24 Teodor Reljic
21:23 Because today we actually DID get the pizza. Wayne Flask
21:23 Dopey Bob does his little crowdsurfing thing and I almost choke in my pizza. Wayne Flask
21:23 Slow down, a stroke is on the way. Wayne Flask
21:22 Dutch bluegrass could be a cool thing but right now, it's not. That clock set looks like a steampunk photoshoot gone wrong... Teodor Reljic
21:22 "Isimgħu, Rooij Van Orbiijsen" Wayne Flask
21:21 Heavens above! A guitar! Beer#2 Matthew Agius
21:21 Dopey Bob! I missed you. It's munchies o' clock. Wayne Flask
21:20 The Netherlands’ Douwe Bob looks like he fell from heaven and from his hair, I can tell that his re-entry into the atmosphere took place feet-first Matthew Agius
21:20 Rousing performance from the Czechs. Rousing and Czechs could be an oxymoron. Wayne Flask
21:19 Phonecall from upstairs (red light bulb goes on): please remember it's families and kids are watching this. I kinda feel sorry for them. Wayne Flask
21:17 Gabriella something, a wall climber and plasterer from the Czech Republic, is up next. Wayne Flask
21:16 I have a soft spot for Czech Republic’s Gabriela Gunčíková. Actually “soft” might not be the right adjective. Matthew Agius
21:15 Belgian set looks like tetris gone wrong. Wayne Flask
21:15 Milan are losing to Roma and Inter losing to Sassuolo. Like you'd all care. Wayne Flask
21:15 I forgot my bell bottoms at home, Mephew. Wayne Flask
21:14 We're in a hurry - Belgian are up first. Rumours about the Belgians corrupting the jury with a box of Guylian are slightly exaggerated. Wayne Flask
21:14 Are you feeling Disco-mbobulated Wayne? Matthew Agius
21:13 I apologise reservedly as I reach for another bottle of Beaujolais without putting my phone away. Wayne Flask
21:13 Oh, tut mir leid Andrew, I thought this was a light hearted private conversation. Wayne Flask
21:12 Malta’s Ira will be the 22nd onstage, meaning Andrew Borg Cardona will need to wait for a couple more hours before yelling “the bitch is onstage!” Wayne Flask
21:12 A shout out goes to Eileen who almost destroyed her TV last time round. Wayne Flask
21:10 Swedish jokey joke: none of the guys came onto me. Must be a problem with your Volvo. Wayne Flask
21:10 Today's affair is going to be longer than Tuesday's. We have to sit through the voting and every time Malta's ignored or given less than 8 points we'll be scoffing and insulting a particular country. Wayne Flask
21:08 The clothes on parade during this first erm, parade, of singers are worth Liberia's entire deficit. Wayne Flask
21:05 How are you watching the Eurovision? Tweet us @maltatoday. The best photos might be featured. Wayne Flask
21:04 The marshmallow man spring/summer collection 2016 on the catwalk right now Matthew Agius
21:04 Same rules as Tuesday apply: MT’s censorship apparatchik is in full swing. In addition to Tuesday’s rules, in view of Ireland’s participation and their sensitivity to the letters Ira, I have been forbidden from making any jokes about plastic bombs and booby traps. Ohohoho Swedish humour has gotten to me haha me haha you. Wayne Flask
21:03 I mean, why blog for the Times and take the trip to Stockholm when you can do it from this equally beautiful chicken pen? Wayne Flask
21:03 The sun has set on the beautiful San Gwann-Sur-Mer leaving me in no doubt as to how depressed the Maltese press contingent in Stockholm must be. Wayne Flask
21:03 There's a lot of waving in these first two minutes of the final and I suspect this will be the main thing happening tonight. Waving. Wayne Flask
21:02 Things are slightly different from last Tuesday: MT newsroom is bustling with activity as the journalists rush to close off yet another Sunday issue of the paper that brings much joy and happiness to many Maltese. Wayne Flask
21:01 Wookie is Matthew Agius, aka the wall, whose back obliterates my view of the fir trees in San Gwann and pretty much the rest of the newsroom. Wayne Flask
21:01 Blondie being of course Teodor Reljic, cultural editor, who has foregone his night in front of a Polish version of Gone with the Wind to watch this. Wayne Flask
21:00 So here we are again in the commentary box, Baldie, Blondie and Wookie, bringing you a blow by blow account of the Eurovision Final. Wayne Flask
20:57 While we wait, watching slow-mo adverts of people in banks, I will regale you all with my thoughts about the contest as a whole. Eurovision is the Jerry Springer show of the music world. Everyone loves to be shocked by it, nobody takes it seriously. Nobody except 80 trillion euro, levitating, wi-fi enabled, portal-to-dimension -X-dress making Malta. Matthew Agius
20:53 Beer #1 Matthew Agius
20:51 The usual interminably long advert break is making me rather nervous. Especially because the huge majority of these ads is voiced by Carlo Borg Bonaci. Wayne Flask
20:40 Stay with us as we search frantically for the remote control. Wayne Flask
20:38 Ladies and laddies welcome to our liveflog! The big day is finally here. After months of preparations, rumours, speculation, hard work, technological coats and ridiculously optimistic bets, welcome to our live commentary of the UEFA Champions Lea... no dammit, somebody changed the channel. Wayne Flask
20:23 Beards are us... Matthew Agius is supporting act.

 Matthew Vella
20:22 A face only a mother could love...
Matthew Vella
20:18 It's back. The live-blog that loves to bonk the Eurovision. Here's a photo from last Tuesday's energetic performance.

 Matthew Vella

 

Author of 'Kapitali' and 'Sibna z-Zejt', Wayne Flask does occasional ranting on a freelanc...
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