Keeping up with the Sliema Girls

As I sit outside Giorgio’s in Sliema – the haunt of Sliema girls and posh people-watchers – I am struck by the fact that I have no idea what to ask Bex and Cikka. These women are superstars; their one-liners the catchphrases of tomorrow’s generation…

Suddenly, I spot them walking down Triq ix-Xatt with poise normally mastered by film stars and royalty. Their hair billows in the wind, as the charms on their Michael Kors and Longchamp (canvas, not leather) bags swing from side to side.

As they get to the café, they remove their Carrera sunglasses in such a synchronised motion, I start to wonder if they’ve been practicing it at home.

“Who are we meant to be meeting, Cik?” Bex asks.

“Boq, some journalist guy. Ziggy I think he said… From Saviour’s magazine or TV station or something,” Cikka replies.

“Iggy,” I interject. Both jump and turn around. “Hi… Shall we take a seat?”

As they order their lattes, I decide to stick to my espresso, and the conversation quickly turns to shopping, and about how Jeremy broke Cikka’s heart multiple times. “She was distraught,” Bex tells me. “And she… she even looked dreadful for two whole hours, ma!”

I still don’t know who Jeremy is, but I thought it best not to ask.

Two hours and four lattes later, they announce they have to go to down to Cynthia, their hairdresser. I panicked and remembered I had to do an interview. And this is what went down.

Many people know you as Sliema’s top socialites. How does it feel to go from that to acting?

Cikka: Every year these Comedy Knights people ask us to appear and we don't like to say no. Because we bring an element of sophistication to the proceedings, ej?

Bex: I think...

Cikka You think, Bex? Ma, how clever you are.

Bex : I know, ej?!

What do you think of the Comedy Knights? Which one’s your favourite?

Bex I enjoy it. They are very funny. Obviously my most favourite is us, hux?  We are the best ones.

Cikka: Mhux ovja maaa.

Bex: You know who my least favourite one is? That one x’jismu? He speaks strange?

Cikka: I like him.

Bex: I used to like him, too. Then I found out that his dad... is… maaa... working class!

Cikka: U ejja?

Bex: Mela!

Cikka: U ejja?

Bex: Mela!

Cikka: U ejja?

Bex: Mela!

Cikka: What were we talking about again?

Bex: I don't know.

Right… What do you think a woman's role is in the modern world?

Bex: Roll? Yaqq, you think we eat rolls? You are very much mistaken.

Cikka: Chicken avocado wrap jew xejn.

Bex: Ah. Washed down with a soy chai latte. 

Cikka: Talking of food, you know, once Jeremy congratulated me on my pastizz… But I’ve never made them.

Bex: How funny, ej?

What do you think of the Sunita Mukhi handbags handed out during CHOGM?

Cikka: I think they are quite ħamallu yaqq. Too shiny.

Bex: But, I think, they are supposed to be ironic. Like a joke.

Cikka: Bex, let’s do our joke. The funny one.

Bex: Ok.  Knock knock. 

Cikka: Knock knock? Mela you don’t have a doorbell?

Bex: Maaaa, you kill me

Cikka: I know! I kill me too!   

Erm… What do you think about the fact that your catchphrase has caught on so much?

Cikka: We have a catchphrase? U ejja?

Bex: Mela!

Cikka: U ejja?

Bex: Mela!

Cikka: U ejja?

Bex: Mela!

Cikka: What is it?

Bex: I’m not sure.

Do you have any role models in acting? If so, who?

Bex: Dan… moħħu fir-rolls!

Cikka: We don’t like rolls. We've told you already.

Bex: Pleb. 

Okay… Why should people come see the Comedy Knights, then?

Cikka: Ħeqq ara. Because of us hux.

Bex: That is right. This is a big opportunity to learn all about how to be classy and sophisticated. Real Sliema girls. We’ll even talk to you after the show.

Cikka: But only if you have a proper job like. You know, if you are a lawyer or something.

Bex: Or if you have a boat. 

How shall I quote you?
Bex: The Sliema girls. Sassy sophisticated and so much more.

Cikka: U ejja?

Bex: Mela!

The Comedy Knights’ Three Times Funnier powered by XFM will return to the Salesians Theatre from December 26 until January 4, excluding New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. Tickets, which also include free parking, can be purchased from www.ticketline.com.mt and start from just €10