No one told you life was going to be this way

“Your life’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s DOA”. 

OK, that’s enough from the Friends theme song (I hope you inserted the obligatory clapping). Hearing the opening lyrics for the umpteenth time it occurred to me that this could be the COVID-19 theme song. I’m sorry  – too soon? 

Forgive me for sounding facetious at a time like this, but sometimes my brain needs to resort to dark humour as a coping mechanism. I can only be weighed down by the relentless deluge of information on a daily basis for so long, before I have to switch off, and one way of switching off for me includes satire, memes and jokes. 

One of my favourites this week, which still makes me laugh every time, is the Dolly Parton meme, “By the time this quarantine is over, y’all are going to be begging Joelene to take your man.” All those couples trying hard not to kill one other during this enforced 24/7 togetherness, please raise your hands.  

The other hands-down winner of the Internet was Bis-Serjeta’s article, “Only wear a face mask if you’re ugly,” says Chris Fearne (for those who have been living under a rock, this is a satirical website, and no, Fearne never said that. It’s a joke). The headline alone is brilliant as is the rest of the piece. I’m still laughing again as I type it. It perfectly encapsulates the primal need to find absurdity in the face of what is potentially a dangerous virus which has killed so many. I believe it is crucial to find the humour in this situation, because otherwise we will be consumed with despair. Personally, I need this kind of offbeat humour, the wackier the better, for my sanity. More and more I am realising that as much as our physical health and financial worries are of high concern, it is our mental health which is tottering on the edge and which is most at risk. 

And this is why I find myself watching lots of the soothingly familiar, much-loved episodes from my favourite sitcoms like Friends. In fact, sometimes it feels like we are living in one long episode with the six very different personality types popping up all over the place. 

Monica with her OCD and her desperate need to know every minutiae of what is happening (please note this is not to make light of anyone with this condition, because I know it is a very serious overwhelming anxiety). 

Joey with his flirty wink and laidback “How YOU doin’?” still living his life like it was 2019 (when we were blissfully unaware of what 2020 would bring) and who still cannot understand why there’s all this fuss. 

Rachel, the former spoilt little rich girl who lands with a resounding thud smack into reality, dismayed to discover how little a waitress actually earns and bursting into tears at the slightest setback. 

Ross, the academic, thinking everything can be answered by science, but not allowing for the unpredictability of human nature. 

Chandler, the sarcastic, corporate guy who still cannot believe he is now without a job (what was his job anyway?).  

And finally, loveable, hippy Phoebe, who goes around spreading sunshine and good vibes, convinced it will all be alright in the end. 

Me? I can easily fluctuate between all six characters in the space of one day. Obsessively disinfecting my groceries like Monica, as recommended, one minute, and feeling as cynical as Chandler the next, saying there’s no point to all this, because we’re all going to be infected anyway. I can read up on the science like Ross, digesting and processing it rationally, which helps to calm my anxieties. But then 5 minutes later I receive a message from someone who is desperate for information on a much more mundane, and yet incredibly human level about an issue which is specific to them, and all the science in the world is not enough to console them.  

I can wake up full of positive energy like the irrepressible Phoebe in the morning and by the late afternoon I am crying on my sofa, feeling sorry for myself like the spoilt Rachel. 

And yes, there are also days when I just want to be a Joey. Going around like nothing has changed and saying F…it, I’m not changing my life for some virus.  

To continue with the Friends analogy, I suppose that is what is going to help us get us through this; just holding on, propping each other up when we stumble and lifting each other’s morale as the need arises while cracking a joke or two to break the tension. Mushy and corny as it sounds, “I’ll be there for you” really is the only way. It is a complete turnaround from the selfish world we were used to living in, when it was every person for themselves and no one even knew who their neighbours were. Of course, there are still people determined to live like that in the middle of this crisis, not caring if others are worse off and not venturing to lend a helping hand but only worried about their own existence, but my inner Phoebe prefers to think that they are in the minority.  

When the constant moaners who can only find fault with everything start to get my down, I tend to focus my attention on those who are actually doing something constructive instead. There are so many examples. Those who have raised money to buy toiletries and food for the Hal-Far residents who are now under quarantine. Or those who have volunteered their time to man the various helplines. The Gozo Diocese has asked all religious organisations for donations to buy a ventilator. The Malta Trust Foundation is providing food for those who cannot afford to buy groceries through its Food Aid Project. A number of NGOs are busy translating guidelines and directives into different languages to make sure the message gets out there to all communities.  

This is a battle which is being fought on many fronts so I find it extremely wearisome and exasperating when FB posts turn into a lot of useless debate, without any real solutions. If a fraction of the time spent arguing with one another could be used for doing something tangible to help out, many issues could be resolved. It has been described as a war, and indeed, it is a war against an invisible enemy, and as happens in wartime, it tests our characters. It has also revealed what people’s natures are truly like. There are those who have come out shining by turning adversity into something positive, such as those food outlets which are donating food to health care workers. While some just complain and stamp their foot because they are “fed up at home”, others keep asking, “tell me what can I do to help?”  

As I sit here writing this on Good Friday, I know that for many people, the fact that they cannot celebrate Holy Week has been a very poignant loss. Some of Malta’s most deep-rooted traditions which mark this important time in the Catholic calendar are nowhere to be seen, and Easter seems to have been ‘cancelled’. But shouldn’t the meaning of Easter really be demonstrated in the way we treat each other, not just now, but always?  

Shouldn’t we bite our tongues about what we really feel about refugees, if we cannot say something which is decent? Can’t we for just one minute appreciate that, while the Government and the health authorities have made some mistakes, and yes even some downright bad decisions, they are all trying their hardest to do what is right for the country in a situation for which there is no handbook, for which no one was prepared, and which each country is trying to handle according to its own unique needs and population? I doubt we will know which country “got it right” until six months or even one year from now, and until then everyone needs to take care of their OWN immediate family and see that they are obeying the directives. 

As we all enjoy our Easter virtually with our loved ones, and as figolli and Easter eggs are delivered on doorsteps for children to open with excitement (after the packaging has been duly disinfected of course) let us also remember to please cut each other some slack. Most of us are doing our best, and coping as best we can.  

As for me, I’m off to watch (yet again) the One Where Ross and Rachel Take a Break. Let’s face it, when this is over, we’re all going to need one. 

Wishing a Happy Easter to all our readers.