Be a prime minister for a day… u hallina!

He will be asking them to be a 'Prime Minister for a day'.

This is no joke.

It is true.

The PN have come up with the most banal, ridiculous concept game that the world has ever had the pleasure to experience.

The prize for winning the coveted 'Prime minister for a day' competition is unknown, but it's probably the following: spending a weekend with Paul Borg Olivier on Zaren Vassallo's superyacht. 

During the seafaring trip, Zaren Vassallo - a humble and very nice man - will not brag about how rich he is or what a lucky man he happens to be when it comes to government tenders.

Offering other unexpected entertainment is Joe Saliba... locally known as 'Bob the Builder', and a close buddy of Zaren's.

It is really quite a joke and a farce - all contestants will be asked to submit one idea about an initiative they would implement if they were Prime Minister for a day. 

If it were up to me, the one big idea I would have would be to pay a one-way ticket for all the Cabinet.

In the enrolment process, participants are also being asked to select a team of Ministers and MPs to join them during the event.

Now, who in the seven heavens would want to work with Carmelo Mifsud Bonnici or Austin Gatt or Giovanna Debono? I, for one, would love to work with Mario de Marco but he may be too busy with the Strickland foundation, writing long rude letters to 'contest' the rightful heirs to the Times empire.

But there you go, you have little or no choice and you will have to work with those ministers who over the past four years have made a mess of things and then tried to repair all their errors by putting everything into overdrive before an election.

The bizarre competition is being captained by the one and only Paul Borg Olivier and it continues to reconfirm my belief that secretary generals are little more than overrated clerks and that politics is all about wasting people's time.

The invite to apply for the Prime Minister for a day was sent out by Dr Frank Psaila (BA, MBA, LLD),  the information director of the PN. 

Really the last time a similar invite did take place was in Havana.

The invite was to all the compatriota to pretend to be Fidel Castro.

Needless to say, nobody in their right mind applied.

I cannot for a minute imagine who came up with this grandiose idea but it goes to show that those who are running the PN campaign believe that games and riddles will bring back the vote.

It will bring back the vote of those who really think that being Prime Minister is a fun idea. I'm sure that Lawrence Gonzi will tell all the contestants that he was better off playing billiards at Mizzi House and running the Azzjoni Kattolika when everyone was battling with old Labour in the streets and at the courts before 1987.

From the kitchen parable devised by Gonzi, we are now set for playing musical chairs.

Let's face it, the problem with not voting for the PN has nothing to do with loving Labour or believing in Labour. 

The real problem is that many people are just sick and tired of the PN as an idea.

They just are tired of all the crap.

Of course the Charlie Demicolis and Austin Bencinis will always think that there is nothing better than a blue administration. They have good reason to think this.

I have no doubt in my mind that if Labour are elected, we (MaltaToday) will be the first newspaper to rattle the establishment and I do not doubt that they will make mistakes in their first years.

The real issue is that the PN has simply forgotten to change its expiry date, refused to reform and to recycle and is just unwilling to change people.

Simply selecting Simon Busuttil to serve as 'Signor Mastro Lindo' does not automatically mean that one is absolved of all past misdemeanours and policies. Simon is not a Superman with a magic wand that can bring it all back. He is simply a soft-spoken man who thinks that his humble and serene look will convince people that Dr Gonzi was God's gift to mankind, and that he is irreplaceable.

Busuttil was at a loss when I last interviewed him for Reporter. I confronted him over meritocracy. He said he supported meritocracy and insisted that the structures existed for those who felt aggrieved to raise their complaints.

He is of course living in cuckoo land. 

He knows that meritocracy is not practised by the Gonzi administration. Gonzi, if anything, has instilled Mintoffianism at all levels and more importantly, he has rekindled an old Gonzi trait: "If you are not with us then you are against us."

And 'against us' means being left out in the cold and ignored.

Most people who do not get what they deserve do not usually complain and the ones that do, get ostracised and are picked on and turn to being vengeful and spiteful.

Busuttil knows to what extent political apartheid exists in Malta.

He knows that if Labour are elected they will exact the same political apartheid.

Well, I would say it is to be expected from a party that has been in opposition for slightly less than 25 years.

I, for one would be very surprised to see the same chairmen and the same faces in place, and I would not be saddened if they went.

But back to the game. The 'Prime minister for a day' competition is inviting various applicants and contestants.

A panel of judges, we are told, will select the most ideal candidate for Prime Minister.

I can just imagine what will tickle the judge for the ideal candidate for Prime Minister.

Now, the criteria for the best prime minister for a day will be based on the following considerations, at least that is what I think.

(1)      The ability to say sorry after you have run roughshod over everyone.

(2)      The inability of saying it is time to go when it is time to go.

(3)      The idea of remunerating yourself €500 a week and keeping it quiet.

(4)      The appreciation of what a f*** up George Pullicino's ODZ was and taking MEPA away from him.

(5)      The habit of mentioning meritocracy but never implementing it.

(6)      The idea of hanging on to power even if someone (like Franco Debono) calls you all sorts of names.

(7)      The idea of appointing your predecessor as President and your potential rival as President after that.

(8)      Misunderstanding the meaning of the word magnanimity.

(9)      The muddle of calling for a referendum and then ignoring the outcome

(10) The skill to smile at everyone, listen to everyone and do nothing about it

(11) The patience to listen to Edgar Galea Curmi and imagine that you are being given the right advice.

I will be very surprised if anyone applies to be Prime Minister for a day.

But then, not everyone has the sense to realise how bloody stupid this hare brained game really is.