D is for democracy. And also for Disney…

Is it just me, or is there a sudden epidemic of direct democracy affecting large parts of the world, with inevitably tragic results?

I say 'inevitably' because - let's face it - national referenda are becoming a right royal pain the backside these days. Not only do they get to be held on the people's own insistence... which is obviously the last way you'd want any serious decision to be taken in a democracy... but they also give rise to this unreasonable expectation that the same people are to be given exactly what they voted for... even if this may be detrimental to others, including their governments.

But hey, that's 'the people' for you. Inherently selfish. They always seem to think the country they live in exists for their own benefit, instead of the other way round. And for this reason alone, they will invariably be disappointed.

Take Scotland, for instance. I've just returned from a short visit to this place called 'The United Kingdom' - though it may have to change name soon - and most people I met there were visibly fuming at the fact that the Scots may actually decide for themselves whether they want to remain part of that country or not.

I mean, the bloody cheek, aye? It's not enough that they already form part of a proud kingdom that once fought successfully to preserve democracy for future generations (as we were recently reminded by German Chancellor Angela Merkel, no less). No, they also expect to actually benefit from the fruits of the same democracy the parent country defended on their behalf, and even forge their own identity as an independent state. You know, just like practically every other independent state in the world...

Well, the Scots can dream on, but this is an unthinkable eventuality and we all know it. Allow people the right to decide for themselves, and who knows? In their ignorance they may even derail all other decisions already made for their benefit - and behind their backs - by their benevolent governments. And what kind of democracy would that be, huh? What would even be the point of having a government at all, if the people remain free to simply reject its impositions at will?

So all this nonsense about referenda and direct democracy has to stop, and pronto. Only question is, how? Refusing the right to a referendum may be problematic, if you want to retain the title 'Democracy' (because, let's face it, 'democracy' still sounds slightly better than all the other available political titles. Except maybe 'Plutocracy', which means your country is governed by a Walt Disney cartoon character).

But this doesn't stop some people from trying. Our own recent history of national referenda reads like an extended version of the fable of the dog in the manger. A referendum on Integration in the 1950s was boycotted by the Opposition, opposed by the Church, and in the end proved inconclusive (massive oversimplification, I know, but you get the gist). The 1962 Independence referendum took place when the Opposition was still labouring (ahem) under an edict of Mortal Sin and Instant Perpetual Damnation. More recently, the same Labour Opposition (under new management) rejected the result of the 2003 EU referendum, and claimed that 'Partnership' won while dancing a jig live on stage. And while the divorce referendum of 2012 seems to be the only one that wasn't openly defied or deflated, the government at the time had unsuccessfully tried to circumvent it, and the prime minister went on to vote against the result in parliament.

Even today, efforts are already afoot to derail an abrogative referendum on spring hunting: specifically, by trying to change the law to make all such referenda illegal. The latest twist is that the hunters' federation has now taken to suing private individuals for libel over their expressed opinions on hunting. And I suppose it makes sense. If you're going to try and stop people expressing an opinion in the polling booth, you may as well go ahead and stop them expressing opinions everywhere else, too.

And that's it: I've run out of referenda. But still: four in the last 60 years, one in the oven, and all to a degree vitiated. Clearly there are forces at work which resent the concept of people taking their own decisions, and will stop at nothing to prevent this disaster from taking place.

And it's not just us, either. They may use different tactics, but any government anywhere in the world will always try and prevent the same disaster.

In the case of Scotland, this shouldn't be too hard. All recent polls indicate that a majority of Scottish voters do not actually want to break away from the Union at all... which makes you wonder what all the fuss is even about.

But just to be on the safe side - you never know, voters are fickle things - you may want to 'persuade' the Scottish electorate of the wisdom of seeing things your way. For instance, by frightening them out of their wits with apocalyptic scenarios of what independence might actually entail: the loss of currency, for instance; or instant expulsion from the European Union.

But while I more or less expect this from the British government - it is after all the UK's entire identity that is under threat here - I find it hard to understand the same concerns coming from the European Union.

George Osbourne can perhaps be excused for trying to make an independent Scotland sound impossible (or at best, impossibly scary): he is after all the chair of the national unity campaign; and people named Osbourne have a history of being scary anyway.

But Jose Maria Barroso? The President of the European Commission? Why should he be placing obstacles in the path of an aspiring country that actually wants to remain in the EU... while buttressing the position of the UK, which is likely to pull out of the same EU in a few years' time?

Ah yes, that reminds me. There is another proposed referendum that threatens to upset the international political applecart. The British government is committed to holding a referendum on its own EU membership before 2017; and naturally, no stone is being left unturned in efforts to derail it.

European Commissioner Viviane Reding - she who was very 'shocked' by the same Maltese passport scheme she went on to endorse a few weeks later - has opined that the British people cannot take an informed decision on EU matters, because of the sheer amount of misinformation they have been fed by the British press. And the same British press almost instantly proved her right, with variations of the same headline: 'Commissioner says British too IGNORANT to decide on EU'.

In a sense, she's right on that, too. Like all other peoples, the British are too ignorant to know that their own opinion doesn't actually matter, if it conflicts with decisions already taken on their behalf. The Irish, Dutch and French were likewise all too 'misinformed' to take a decision on the Nice and Lisbon Treaties. In fact they had to keep taking the same decision until it happily coincided with that of the EU.

Meanwhile, the British press is not the only one peddling misinformation in its efforts to influence both Scottish and UK referenda. Barroso told Scotland it would be 'impossible' to rejoin EU if it declares independence. He has yet to explain on what basis Scotland would by then have been expelled from the Union, or what legal instruments would have been used to kick out five million EU citizens.

And Angela Merkel - this time representing the Council of Ministers - has hinted to David Cameron that a partial reform of the EU treaties may suddenly be possible, if this would give the British people what they want without having to actually pull out of the EU.

Small snag: the UK is not the only country to have asked for partial changes to European treaties. But on other occasions, this has been strictly 'verboten'.

So as you can see, 'impossible' things suddenly become 'possible', when the results are beneficial to the governments which patiently and benevolently oversee all things for our greater good.

So if only all people everywhere would just give up their own selfish aspirations, and simply bow their heads to the superior knowledge and wisdom of their political superiors in all things... oh, life would be so much easier and more democratic for all concerned.