It’s Christmas in fantasy land, too…

It’s that time of year again, when the great and the good all regale us with their traditional Christmas messages: telling us all what they think we should be and how they think we should act, while they themselves go on doing pretty much what they usually do anyway.

And we all accept that without question, of course. The magic of Christmas, you see. Things are… different at this time of year.

At all other times except the last week of December, humanity is perfectly entitled to be as obnoxious, corrupt, decadent or plain old nasty as it likes. In fact, it avails itself of pretty much all those options all year round. 2014 has not, let’s face it, been a particularly happy year for millions of people around the world. There was Syria, Iraq, Libya, Ebola, the death of Robin Williams, a new Skrillex album… all pretty miserable, really. 

But not now, it’s not. Oh, no. For these few days, the world is not allowed to be vicious or unkind. Everybody has to forget for a moment what reality is actually like… and in some cases, even what they themselves said or did just a few weeks before… to keep up an extraordinary pretence that the 25th of December, for no apparent reason, somehow irons out all creases in the fabric of the Universe, just like that.

So the Queen of England takes time out of her busy queening schedule to preach ‘reflection’ and ‘reconciliation’ for 2015 – funny, I seem to remember her ‘purring with delight’ at the Scottish referendum result just last October – while President Obama joined “millions across the country in celebrating the birth of Jesus—the birth not just of a baby in a manger, but of a message that has changed the world: to reach out to the sick; the hungry; the troubled; and above all else, to love one another as we would be loved ourselves.”

Ah yes, because you can just feel the love emanating from the Obama household these days, as it drifts across the Atlantic towards Russia, and the Pacific towards North Korea. And you can sense jollity and good cheer fuelling all the race riots taking place across Mississippi even as I write. 

Personally, I don’t recall global international politics being quite as tense as today since the Cold War of the 1980s. There is war right here on our doorstep; war brewing on the border between Europe and Asia; war in cyberspace; war in Kim Kardashian’s nether parts... You don’t even need the Kaiser Chiefs to predict a riot any more: there’s bound to be one happening right now in any major world city. 

But everything is going to be hunky dory, because the warmth of all this newfound Christmas spirit at the White House will thaw all frostiness, heal all wounds and repair all shattered relations… ushering in a whole new spring of global peace, hope and prosperity for the future of humankind… Just like that…

Or at least, just until January 2nd… when we instantly revert to the sabre-rattling, cyber-attacks, sanctions and bottomless mistrust that characterised 2014. A bit like Christmas as a whole, I suppose. Just as it is permissible – again, for no apparent reason – for adults to wear paper hats and play with toys around the Christmas lunch table, world leaders are perhaps entitled to simply shift to an alternate universe of festive happiness for a few days, and expect us all not to notice.

Closer to home, however, the same shift is not always quite as easy to spot. Maltese heads of state have an advantage over those of world superpowers and global economy giants. Unlike the heads of less privileged states, for Maltese Presidents Christmas comes not once, but twice a year. Not only do they get to give us their own personal greetings on December 25; they also have a chance to get all warmed up for the occasion on Republic Day, December 13. 

This year was no exception: a double December whammy from President Marie-Louise Coleiro Preca… you know, just to show all those Queens of England and Presidents of the USA how things are really done. But while the illusion of suddenly shifting to another dimension is less evident, it’s there all the same. I listened to both speeches, and… maybe it’s all the Christmas spirit I indulged in over the past few days, but I can’t help suspecting that they were delivered from different dimensions.

Let’s take them in reverse order. For her Christmas message this year, President Coleiro Preca asked Santa Claus for… ooh, you’ll never guess… yep, that’s correct: ‘peace on earth’! And, while she was at it, goodwill to all mankind. Tolerance and human understanding among all peoples, everywhere. Love, sugar plum fairies and cute cuddly puppy-dogs all round. You could almost hear the ghost of John Lennon imagining in the background…

How on earth does she think of these things, I wonder? Of all the original appeals that can possibly be made at Christmastime, she goes for the only one chosen by every single Miss Universe winner since 1902. Still, I’m sure Father Christmas must have been mightily relieved. ‘World peace’ is after all a lot easier to get hold of than the latest Assassin Creed expansion set for an Xbox… (I know, I tried). 

The trouble is that Father Christmas doesn’t actually exist. (I found this out almost exactly this time last year, by the way: I tried being really, really good all year round, and still got shit in my stocking…) And neither does the prospect exist of human nature changing in any conceivable way, merely as a result of an impassioned plea by the head of a state 90% of people in the world would not even have heard of, let alone be able to place on a map.

You know this, I know this… heck, I’m sure Marie-Louise knows it more than both of us. Yet she makes the appeal regardless, when she could just as easily have asked for something slightly more realistic: like immortality, for instance. Or permanent immunity to mosquito bites.

How does this hold up with that other speech by the same President? Well, here are a couple of snippets from December 13:

“Forty years ago, we pledged that our Republic would be founded on work… However, we are still far from fully realising the oath we made to each other then. This is not only because there are still thousands of unemployed people, but a number of workers are being exploited, working in hazardous or precarious conditions…

“The social welfare system is crucial for people in this situation, and in no way should we allow our discourse to minimise their dignity, by depicting these people as parasites and therefore must not be aided by the State.”

Hmm. That doesn’t sound like it’s coming from outer space, right? It doesn’t quite have the same ring to it as an entreaty to all warring nations to just drop their weapons, forget their grievances, and waltz off into the sunset singing ‘Kumbaya, My Lord’. It’s more like an observation by someone living very much in the real world, and in response to a very specific government policy that was introduced in the last Budget.

In fact, I’m beginning to wonder if those two speeches were even delivered by the same person. Here’s another quote: “The Catholic religion is no longer central to cultural activity because of the vast changes happening in our society. On such an important day, we should be questioning what is secular process and religious diversity, and how to act in this context.”

Again, that’s a far cry from the dreamy “imagine all the people” tune she would sing only 12 days later. In a sense it’s almost the clean opposite: the later message is rooted in a desire that, dreamy or otherwise, most people would share. Sure, we all want world peace. Who wouldn’t? 

This, on the other hand, flies in a very different direction from what an enormous chunk of this country actually feels… as can be attested by the hostile reactions the President received for this last remark. Religious diversity? That means integrating with Muslims, right? And hey presto! A petition appears calling for the immediate resignation of President Marie-Louise Coleiro Preca…

OK, I’ll admit I don’t actually know if the President was indeed referring to integration along precisely those lines. If so, she was also part of a government which was pursuing a push-back policy just last year. (But hey, Presidents are allowed to do that, remember? They can drift off into a parallel universe just for the holidays…)

But the fact remains that she was right on the money with her first speech. Malta’s demographics and social customs are indeed changing; and it’s not just down to irregular immigration, either. There is abundant evidence that we have become more secular in recent years: the divorce referendum of 2011 alone points in this direction – it literally involved prizing Church and State apart on a legislative issue – and there have been other instances of further Church-State dissolution since then. 

And there has been immigration beyond boat people from Africa, too. We may not have been invaded by Sicilian hairdressers, as was once predicted – not that I would ever notice anyway – but there has been an infusion of foreign expatriates since 2004, and their number is growing. 

But you have to live in the real world to actually notice these changes. It is only people who live in fantasy worlds of their own who would stolidly refuse to see the reality of a situation if it kicked them in the Christmas baubles. 

Judging by the reactions, it is clear that President Marie-Louise Coleiro Preca incurred the wrath of many precisely because she referred to realities that most would much rather had remained hidden from view… perhaps because they clash with their own perceptions of Malta being a special, magical place, immune to the great vicissitudes of the bad wicked world.

But it’s like Father Christmas again: and also like the suspension of disbelief required to take all those other political ‘Christmas messages seriously’. The ‘Malta’ these people yearn nostalgically after no longer exists. It belongs to the same fantasy universe of peace, love and fluffy pink bunny-rabbits that we all retire to in mid-December. 

Personally – big surprise coming up – I much prefer my Presidents to inhabit the real world, and to base their appeals and statements on issues that can actually be tackled (or at least be addressed) in practice. But if the rest of you prefer your Presidents to hover somewhere up there with the fairies, unicorns and pixies… well, who am I to argue? It’s Christmas, after all: you’re allowed to ask Santa for whatever you want…