When the argument gets the better of us

When Maltese radio stations first introduced the concept of phone-ins, many people discovered that they had a “voice”. Rather than passively accepting information and opinions they got busy dialing and putting in their two cent’s worth. It was a huge hit in the way that TV vox pops never were.

From my TV production days, I know first-hand how hard it is to find people willing to be filmed as they answer questions on camera or to even come up with a coherent response rather than mumbling something vague and noncommittal. At the sight of a cameraman and a person holding a microphone, most would usually run away almost comically, like the roadrunner, in the opposite direction; all it needed was his signature “beep beep”.

But radio always felt less intrusive, less intimidating; it gave callers a certain measure of anonymity and the floodgates were opened.

Fast-forward to today’s keyboard warriors and the flood has turned into a deluge. While social media and news portals are not really anonymous, the relatively safe feeling of being alone at home or in your office cubicle, banging away on your keyboard, gives the illusion that no one is around as you express yourself freely. The plus side is that never have people been so willing to tell you what they think. The other side of the coin is that… never have people been so willing to tell you what they think.

As someone who is online every day I am not about to point fingers, but personally I have come to a point where I realized I needed to stop commenting (or worse still, arguing) over every single issue or news topic. Frankly, it was exhausting me and in many cases, it was just plain futile.

As we all know, it is very easy to get sucked into endless debates on every issue under the sun. You name it, we will argue over it, whether it’s an emotionally charged subject such as abortion, or if a restaurant is good or bad. Religion, politics and football are bashed to death with regular frequency on my newsfeed, but I have even seen never-ending threads on really innocuous subjects such as whether it is OK to spell yoghurt as ‘yogurt’. Apparently the American spelling (and frankly, anything American) makes some people froth at the mouth with rage – who knew so much passion could be stirred by this harmless dairy product?

More significantly, why does it really matter so much in the grand scheme of things when both spellings are perfectly acceptable? I know, I know, as a former British colony, Malta’s first loyalty is to the British spelling, but times they are a-changing folks and these days you will get just as many kids writing greeting cards to their Mom as to their Mum (If this upsets you unduly, just pretend you did not read that sentence).

It’s not just the constant stream of argumentation which has become wearying though; it’s more the way we argue. Some have called it ignorance, but I would say it’s more narrow-mindedness and a lack of general knowledge (or the willingness to be open to new ideas) than anything else. There seems to be an inability to keep one’s mind open to the possibility that one might be wrong. After all, my life experience and opinions are not the same as that of others, so I don’t expect everyone to agree with me on every single issue (and that’s OK), but I have often noticed that rather than just leaving it at that, the tone of a thread sometimes turns downright nasty and aggressive. That’s when I usually bite my tongue, forcefully pull my itching fingers away from the keyboard and just… walk away.

Where it all goes pear-shaped is that some don’t understand that disagreeing does not necessarily mean you have to banish the person from your life (especially if they know them in real life, rather than just virtually). “Agree to disagree” is a concept many find hard to grapple with. It’s like everyone within a one-mile radius of their social circle has to agree with their views. Otherwise they need to (figuratively) keep beating you over the head with a stick until they badger you into agreeing with them (or pretend to, or until you shut up or just walk away). Some really need to take a leaf out of Princess Elsa’s book and Let it Go.

I’ve also noticed that there are those who become positively horrified when they learn that their friends or even relatives might hold diametrically opposing views and they simply cannot handle it. It freaks them out. I think it is the result of Maltese people being so conformist through religious and even social indoctrination for so many centuries, especially in matters concerning civil liberties.

In the past, views which go against what the Church said were best kept to one’s self for fear of being ostracized. These days the number of “black sheep” going against the grain has gathered momentum, but opinions which ruffle feathers are still considered very unsettling for those who prefer the status quo. Individualism is still hard for many to stomach. I can perfectly understand that; and yet I can also understand and relate to those who think differently. Both are legitimate views – one need not supersede the other. There is room for a wide spectrum of beliefs if people would just learn to stop ramming their opinion down other’s throats.

Another problem is that some have a huge difficulty with admitting that someone else has successfully pierced their argument, and that they might be wrong. So what if you’ve been proved wrong? So what if someone has managed to show you that your argument is flawed? There is no shame to it, and it is actually quite gracious to admit that you had it wrong and that the other person has made a valid point. But sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own staunchly held beliefs and opinions that it’s like we’ve build an impenetrable wall through which no one can communicate. Ironic really, when the beauty of online commentary especially on Facebook, is its facile method of communication: unlike comments which need to be moderated, there is no time delay and you are conversing with others in real time.

And finally, but perhaps most importantly: can we try and learn to stick to the argument at hand rather than going off in so many tangents that it’s like an explosion of different opinions and thoughts have multiplied themselves into infinity? I think that’s probably why I decided to stop getting embroiled into so many online “debates”…there just isn’t any glimmer of logic in many of them. Trying to wade through the maze of convoluted thought is just too much work, and it would take someone very brave to jump right in and try to make sense of it. The number of times I’ve muttered “imma, x’ghandu x’jaqsam?” (what does that have to do with it?) under my breath is too frequent to count.

Life’s too short, the weather’s too sticky and there are better ways to spend one’s time.