When it comes to children, you need parents on your side

Not too long ago I reviewed a book which had been translated into Maltese by Clare Azzopardi called Kamilla tixtieq familja gdida, and published by Merlin Publishers.

It was about how different kinds of families can be explained in simple language to children. It was a well-written, well-translated and charming story which points out the reality of today’s society using various animals as examples. It is the story of a young hedgehog who goes in search of the ideal family because she is feeling peeved at the lack of attention from her own parents and sister. During her journey she encounters a variety of families and learns a valuable life lesson, that in this world there are all sorts of people who live together and form a family unit. So while you have a donkey who may have been adopted by horses, what binds them together is love and the desire to care and protect one another.

In my review I had written:

“Some might feel that children should not have to bother their heads about these complex relationship issues, or that such a book will ‘put ideas into their heads’. They need not worry about that: even taken at face value as a story about animals, this book is mostly about acceptance and tolerance of others, no matter who they are. It can be used to teach children not only about various family structures but also about different races and religions which is certainly a reality Malta deals with every day.

“Today’s children are growing up in a radically different Malta to that which many of us grew up in, and it is with intelligent books like this that we can help to ensure they learn to have a compassionate, understanding approach to those who are not like them. And that can only be a good thing.”

The books which were donated by the LGBT community to the Ministry on Education over the summer, which have now been withdrawn due to parental pressure, were in this same vein.

I find this a shame considering that the concepts of tolerance and acceptance of those who are different to us are positive things to teach to children. However, having said that, the fact that there was no preparation or proper marketing to explain and introduce the idea to parents, but was simply presented as a fait accompli created what, in hindsight, must seem like an inevitable windstorm of opposition.

As well-meaning as the whole idea was, I think one must be very careful where children are concerned and take things slowly, by getting parents on your side. Understandably, the one thing that parents hate is the feeling that they have absolutely no control over what is being taught to their own children. On the other hand, I am in no way condoning the hysteria which arose, and which led to the setting up of a Facebook group which further alarmed parents by its very title: “Parents and Teachers against Gender Indoctrination of our Children”.

When I saw how many thousands had joined the group, it was clear that the whole situation had got out of control and needed to be reined in. The group description alone tells you just how badly the misconceptions about the books had grown:

“We are parents, teachers and individuals, who are very concerned with the indoctrination that is being imposed on our children through the excuse of sexuality education in schools. This is being done against our wishes and without our consent. The right of every parent to educate their children according to their beliefs/values has been removed and we want it restored. We are not against LGBTIQ rights; we are against a minority imposing its harmful agenda on the majority (the general public - especially the parents) and minorities (in this case the children). We are backed by the Maltese Constitution, EU Rules and Regulations, Maltese Law and Basic Human Rights. We aim to restore our rights through the democratic process of a referendum which is afforded to us by the law.”

It is not surprising, therefore, in the face of this avalanche of protests that Minister Evarist Bartolo had second thoughts about the book donations and was quoted as saying: “I don’t blame parents who have expressed concern on this matter but I want to assure them that these books have not and will not be distributed to their children.”

In fact, as it turns out, the plan was never going to be for the books to be distributed to all state schoolchildren (as was being claimed), as there are only 100 books in all, but they were simply going to be made available in the library and to teachers to use as a resource.

And yet, putting myself in the shoes of the parents, I can fully understand their concerns, especially when the donation was originally made. This is where I feel that the Ministry made its mistake. You cannot simply “shove” these new concepts down people’s throats like this without proper planning and a good awareness campaign. I think that there are those who forgot just how many social changes Malta has had to wrap its head around in the space of a few years: divorce legislation, new second families, half-brothers and sisters, civil unions, the possibility of adoptions by same-sex parents. All this at a time when an influx of refugees and a wave of permanent residents who come from other EU as well as non-EU countries have probably changed the demographics of this island for good.

So I can empathise when it can all seem a bit too much for those whose heads are whirling with the implications of what seems like a constant shifting of the very ground beneath their feet as the Malta they once knew is swallowed up by new ideas and lifestyles.

In many areas of our life, we have made the transition in a relatively smooth way, but where children are concerned, I repeat, the changes have to be done ultra-carefully and always with the consent of the parents (as well teachers) who need to be brought on board first. There should have been an educational campaign for educators and then the parents making it clear that the books were available, if needed, rather than speaking of them as a done deal and by the way, your input or opinion does not matter.

That is how the whole thing (unfortunately) came across which is how we got to the situation where people were clamouring for the books to be banned out of fear.

And fear, as we know, is often born as a result of a lack of knowledge and understanding of that which is different, which ironically is what the books were all about in the first place.