Look at all the lonely people

A campaign in the UK at the moment has taken up the cause of the elderly living on their own, who suffer greatly from loneliness and isolation. The following video had a huge impact on viewers as campaigners insist that loneliness should be considered a public health issue:

So serious is the problem of loneliness among the elderly who are neglected by their own family that in one nursing home in the US, for example, children from a daycare centre in the same building are brought down every day to visit the senior citizens. An incredibly touching video was doing the rounds recently as it showed the toddlers interacting with the very frail old people confined to wheelchairs and walkers whose lives are brightened by the innocent smiling faces who provide them with that essential human contact of touch and emotional warmth on a daily basis. There is nothing more moving than seeing the tender, unblemished hands of children intertwine with the wizened, wrinkled hands of elderly people who would normally be alone.

The very thought of being reduced to this kind of solitary life is heartbreaking, but it is not simply restricted to the elderly. As people move and migrate across borders, leaving their friends, their families and their very roots behind, it has become more and more commonplace to find different nationalities living in a foreign country with which they have no real ties, and where they attempt sometimes successfully, but sometimes less so, to settle in and start a new life. When you decide to take the plunge and emigrate with your entire nuclear family that is one thing because, despite the newness and strangeness of it all, at least you have each other when things get rough and homesickness sets in.

It is, however, when people decide to pack their bags, uproot their lives and venture off into a new country alone, that the real test of someone’s strength of character begins. It is at once terrifying and exhilarating to think you are somewhere new and foreign, completely on your own – with no friendly, familiar face in sight. It is the antithesis of living in Malta where at every corner, at every social event and at every step you take you seem to be bumping into someone you know, even if it is only a nodding acquaintance. That can be comforting and comfortable – for a while – but there are times when it can drive you bat crazy and you yearn for the luxury of living somewhere where no one knows your family tree from at least the previous three generations.

The relative anonymity of taking off and landing somewhere where no one knows who you are, is the exact scenario which most non-Maltese nationals (or ex-pats if you will) find themselves in as more and more people decide to try their luck by moving here. Sometimes it is a search for a new life, or to change their job or even to find the job, any job, which is impossible to find in their home country. On the occasions when I ride the bus and see people of different nationalities who are obviously not tourists, but who have made Malta their home, I sometimes discretely search their faces, wondering if they are lonely here, if they have managed to make friends and if they have a network of support for when things go wrong. My imagination starts to work overtime as I conjure up their back story wondering how they ended up on this tiny island, which can be welcoming and friendly when it wants to, but which can also be cold and unforgiving when it insulates itself against a perceived ‘foreign’ threat.

Then there are those who have come here to retire – which is the real definition of what is commonly known as an ex-pat. In theory it sounds like a grand plan: take early retirement and go live on a sunny, easygoing island in the Mediterranean and finally have the time to enjoy the fruits of your hard labour.

But even in this case, when the unexpected happens, the reality can hit you that you are, after all, in a foreign land, and what you might have taken for granted when you were healthy, suddenly shifts and changes when you fall ill and become dependent on others. I recently learned of the story of one man who had taken early retirement and moved to Malta from the UK, but what was intended to be a pleasant enough life away from the rat race turned into a nightmare at the relatively young age of 54. The back pain which was initially misdiagnosed as a slipped disc, turned out to be cancer. He was told he only had a few weeks to live.

Because of his rapidly deteriorating condition he was not given clearance to fly home to be with his son, and his son could not travel to Malta for personal reasons. The pension the man was receiving as a former civil servant, on which he thought he could live comfortably, proved to be woefully inadequate when this tragedy struck. As part of the reciprocal health agreement with the UK he was covered for in patient care and out patient treatment at Mater Dei, however he was not entitled to free medicine such as pain killers for when the cancer progressed.

His savings were also eaten up when he was forced to change his rented accommodation after his landlady asked him to leave because his illness prevented him from keeping the place tidy. When the doctors advised him that chemotherapy was futile, it became a matter of this man requiring constant care and this materialized only due to the fact that other ex-pats who learned of his situation reached out and rallied round him to ensure that he was not left alone and to keep his son informed of what was happening.

Thankfully, through their efforts and persistence, they managed to get him admitted into the palliative care unit where he was made as comfortable as possible until the end. They also organized a fundraising initiative in order to cover his funeral expenses. People’s generosity meant that the money required was quickly raised. When the man passed away, these friends were at his side, and were themselves given emotional support by their fellow ex-pats for what they had gone through. They became each other’s family.

This dying man’s predicament in a foreign land served as a wake-up call to all those who were aware of the situation, making them realize that they need to have proper legal and private health insurance arrangements in place in the eventuality of something similar happening to them. A fatal illness makes you take stock of what is important but even more so when you are far away from close family members. It is at such moments of vulnerability that you appreciate how important it is to have a strong support network because there is nothing more tragic than to be frail and helpless, and utterly, utterly alone.