But that’s not really cheating, is it?

I recently heard an anecdote that, after the initiative was introduced at the University campus to reserve car parking spaces for those who car pool, someone immediately figured out a way to get around it.

They simply picked up a couple of friends from the ring road who had already parked and “used” them to take one of the reserved car spaces. As minor as it is, this incident is symptomatic of a certain type of cunningness and slyness which many will agree is quite prevalent in Malta. Many people, in fact, admire this kind of thing, in a “Darn it, I wish I had thought of that” sort of way. Even the language used to describe these crafty characters contains an undertone of admiration – “shark”, “makakk” (cunning) mohhu jilhaqlu (he’s shrewd).

It also explains why so many are simply not perturbed by any form of “cheating” or sly wrongdoing (unless it directly impinges on their lifestyle or adversely affects them in some other way, in which case they then will raise hell).

There are, of course, various degrees of what different people can tolerate, some will only close one eye at cheating in its mildest form while others, faced by the most blatant, in your face examples, will not even raise an eyebrow (although they might gnash their teeth and wish, again, that they had thought of it themselves).

I’m not quite sure it is fair to describe this as a national trait, because I’m pretty certain it exists elsewhere around the world, but it is definitely very common on this island. Tell us not to use the bus lane? We will drive at breakneck speed on the bus lane with the thrill which comes with triumphantly defying those pesky wardens. Put up a sign telling us to ‘please don’t dump rubbish’, and we make it a point to haul heavy junk from our homes, load it onto our cars and purposely drive straight to that very place where we have been forbidden to dump it.

Sometimes I think it is a form of anarchy directed at authorities in general. Maybe what’s really at the bottom of it is a form of rebellion, a thumbing our nose at the rules and regulations laid down by society because we consider ourselves latter day anti-establishment hippies who will not be fenced in by The Man. Form a queue? What do you mean, form a QUEUE? Queues are not meant for us, we are too loose and groovy for that kind of authoritarian repression. Peace and love baby.

As a nation, you have to admit, we are quite talented in this way: give us a rule and we will show you 1,001 ways to break it. It is even considered an almost intrinsic, charmingly quirky quality which makes you feel all fuzzy and patriotic inside; a characteristic which makes us special and is practically to be applauded. You can hear it in the tone of people who will tell you with an affectionate fondness in their voice, “What do you expect? Malta qeghdin (we’re in Malta).”  See that bus driver over there, stopping his vehicle in the middle of the road to buy pastizzi irrespective of the fact that traffic has piled up behind him. Isn’t that just too adorable for words? Heqq, Malta qeghdin.  

The thing is, to come back to my original example, if you are willing to “cheat” for something as mundane as a car parking space, that does rather say a lot about your character. “U iva”, many might shrug in our casually dismissive Maltese vernacular, it’s quite a harmless thing to do, really. Don’t make such a big deal out of it. But that’s the whole point isn’t it? The sliding ruler of what is considered cheating or not is so malleable that once you close an eye to one kind of behaviour then it just becomes easier and easier to try and get away with other things.

This also explains why, while the media rightly continue to hound politically exposed persons about their involvement in the Panama Papers, the average person is, to quote Catherine Tate, “not bovvered”. As the weeks have rolled by and the shock factor has worn off, I have often wondered why this is.

My conclusion is that we are surrounded by so many forms of cheating, wrongdoing and unethical behaviour which cross our paths every day, that our ability to weigh right vs wrong has been numbed. This can easily be explained with a few maxims inspired by a random look at recent news stories:

MAXIM # 1: Keep your friends close and your enemies closer

“A woman who lent thousands of euros to friends interest-free ended up in court accused of usury as the debtors tried to get out of paying the outstanding amounts”

MAXIM #2 Why obey the law, when the authorities never do anything anyway

“Fish farming cages inside St Thomas Bay in Marsascala were placed there illegally, the Planning Authority has confirmed.”

MAXIM #3 Never let an opportunity to rip someone off pass you by

“Lying second-hand car dealer ordered to refund price or face prison”

MAXIM #4 Traffic regulations are for sissies

Refer to every story about reckless driving, flouting the law and traffic accidents

MAXIM #5 “Only the little people pay taxes” (courtesy of notorious businesswoman Leona Hemsley)

Refer to all those who don’t pay their VAT and income tax

MAXIM #6 Anyone who is not Maltese is fair game

Every story of foreigners being ripped off, cheated, swindled and basically treated like ATM machines

MAXIM #7 Anyone who IS Maltese needs to get on board

Basically, talking about honesty, decency and doing the right thing makes you an oddity round these parts. Be prepared to be looked at like you are the world’s biggest fool

MAXIM #8 Just hold tight, an amnesty is always around the corner

“A new legal notice will give the Planning Authority the power to regularise illegally constructed buildings within development zones, including those in urban conservation areas, against a “fee”.”

MAXIM #9 It’s not really wrong, as long as someone’s making money

This particular gem is especially reserved for the Nationalist Party. It’s no use wagging your finger or throwing your hands up in horror at a certain type of venture or behaviour when members of your own party are directly or indirectly making money off it as well. Think the Citizenship Scheme. Think offshore accounts. And then, think again.

MAXIM #10 All will be forgiven, if you just say sorry

I think this last one has to do with the fact that the Catholic religion has been so influential on the Maltese psyche. This is not to knock the Catholic faith, but let’s face it, all those years of being taught that whatever sin you may have committed will be absolved by going to Confession and getting absolution, must have left its mark. I think people have simply carried this over into all aspects of their life and assume that a quick mumbled sorry means they can get off Scot free. And in many cases, they do.