It’s definitely not me, so it must be you

There’s a phrase used all over the world by those intending to break up with someone with whom they simply have no chemistry. Grasping around for an excuse to just cut the cord, they come out with the old chestnut, “It’s not you, it’s ME!” It is as if, by shouldering the blame for why it’s not working, they are gallantly taking on all responsibility so that they will soften the blow, without denting your self-esteem or plunging you into an abyss of self-hatred where you are constantly worrying about what’s wrong with you, and picking at your own flaws like a scab which just won’t heal.

Well, I’ve been thinking lately that in Malta we have turned this phrase completely on its head. We are never at fault. For anything. Zilch. We look around at the shortcomings on the island and think to ourselves (and sometimes out loud), “well, it’s definitely not ME, so it must be YOU.”

Our culture fosters a mentality which is the diametric opposite of accountability. We are the blaming island. After washing our hands of any hint of culpability every chance we get, the next immediate reflex is to point fingers towards others in a wild attempt to find scapegoats. It starts from the very top all the way down to the most ordinary person on the totem pole. Like that famous Maltese song, Mhux jien Mama’ (It wasn’t me, Mum) sung by a little boy who denies any knowledge of things being broken all around the house, we never accept the hard nugget of truth that we need to bite the bullet and say it’s our fault. No, there is always someone else who should take the fall.  

In fact, so unused are we to “manning” up as it were, and to being held accountable, that there are those who look at other countries where Ministers promptly resign at the mere whiff, a mere hint of a scandal, and they just burst out laughing, “kemm hu ċuċ!” (what a fool!), while wondering why the politician didn’t just simply hang on until the media moves on to something else. Or better still, why didn’t he just blame the mistake on some lowly pen-pusher on the second floor?

The ultimate in finger-pointing has to be, of course, between the two political parties, and by extension, their supporters. As soon as news breaks of a faux pas, or a wrong decision, or an outright scandal, everyone starts rummaging through newspaper stories, googling like mad, to try and dig up some kind of similar dirt on the other side and slam it down in triumph. There! You’re one to talk, your side did the same thing! Supporters, on cue, take up the clarion call, busily firing off the “where were you?” and “why are you only talking about these things now?” tired cliches all over the Internet, for all the world as if the bombardment of heavy criticism against the Nationalist government pre-2013 has disappeared into a black hole of nothingness.

This brings me to something that has been nagging at me: have people only just discovered opinion articles recently, because they are continuously being uploaded on Facebook? I often see comments to the effect that we in the media are critical because we have some plan to damage and bring down the Labour government because we are all PN sympathizers in disguise. But here’s a thought: how about doing things properly and ethically and within the parameters of the law, and then we won’t need to criticise so much?  

But I digress.  

It’s not just political responsibility of course, which is lacking, but it does start there.  Like children who look to their parents to set the right example, we do kind of look at our leaders, if not for guidance, at least for the appearance that they are trying to do the right thing. When we don’t see that, it is easy to let defeatism creep in, and for the ripple effect of not taking responsibility to take hold of the entire nation.

Take the shabbiness which is so hard to get away from: Whether it’s dumping or littering or leaving garbage bags strewn everywhere, no one admits to doing it, and yet somebody must be the culprit. Unless some mysterious force is littering Malta at night as we sleep, the dirt and rubbish everywhere is being caused by us. But while everyone nods furiously when you say that the island looks like a landfill, it’s got nothing to do with them. Someone else is doing it.

The perennial traffic jams are the same. “Something needs to be done!” we proclaim in exclamatory sentences on FB after yet another rush hour of congestion. But who, me? Leave my car at home? No, I cannot, that’s impossible (followed by a litany of what others should do). It’s not me, it has to be you. I’m not to blame – you have to take action.

And the list goes on, whether it’s more discipline in general (yes, everyone agrees, “other” people are so undisciplined) to the need to change the education system (teachers say the parents demand more homework, parents say the teachers insist on giving it, while everyone blames the system which has sacrificed childhood at the altar of the “Curriculum” which needs to be covered, and the kids are ending up like zombies straight out of The Walking Dead).

Developers insist that more and more concrete cubbyholes are needed because the demand for property is like an insatiable monster which needs to be fed – “don’t blame us, blame the market!”

Meanwhile I look around at rows and rows of neglected empty apartments which no one wants to live in, next to which more (new) apartments are being crammed in spaces so tight they defy the imagination. I guess we are expecting a sudden implosion in our population growth; that is the only way to explain this frenzy of building on an island which is choked with already un-utilised buildings.

But hey, no one is to blame, no one is responsible, you can’t lay the fault on us.  That’s just the way it is, look at what you did to the country before pointing fingers, it’s not me, it’s you. Mhux jien Mama’.