Wayne Flask: ‘I don’t dig influencers. I’m not swayed by keyboard wisdom’

What’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

Turn the alarm off and try to remember which of the sins of my past life brought me here.

What is the best advice you’ve ever received?

“Hadd ma jridek ahjar minnu”. Nobody wants you to be better than they are. In today’s individualistic society, I have to accept that was a sound piece of advice.

What do you never leave the house without?

My keys, cigarettes, and a healthy dose of nihilism.

Pick three words that describe yourself.

Middle-aged, raving, lunatic.

What do you consider to be your greatest achievement?

Somehow staying alive. And, my friendships.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?

None of my pleasures makes me feel guilty, except for the odd habit of listening to a song called “Carbonara” at the beginning of every summer.

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?

Live and learn from fools and from sages.

What’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever bought?

My intellectual freedom.

What is one thing you wish you knew when you were younger?

That the B.Communications course was absolutely useless, and that there are more than one Samantha Fox.

Who’s your inspiration?

Charles Miceli.

What has been your biggest challenge?

Accepting the way things really are.

If you weren’t an author what would you be doing?

Probably, a fisherman, or a farmer. Talk to goats all day and not worry about overdevelopment.

Do you believe in God?

No, and if he existed, he wouldn’t believe in us.

If you could have dinner with any person, dead or alive, who would it be?

Probably, my grandparents.

What’s your worst habit?

I’m a worrier and an over-thinker.

What are you like when you’re drunk?

I’m a happy drunk.

Who would you have play you in a film?

A boiled egg with eyes painted on it can do that very well.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Dishonesty, hypocrisy, sanctimoniousness.

What music would you have played at your funeral?

Keep Your Dreams – Primal Scream; Souvlaki Space Station – Slowdive; You and Whose Army – Radiohead

What is your most treasured material possession?

The setlist of a Primal Scream concert I’ve been to recently.

What is your earliest memory?

Falling off a chair during a picnic in Bidnija. I think a lizard or something like that had frightened the shit out of me.

When did you last cry, and why?

I cry so often I’ve lost count.

Who would you most like to meet?

Wouldn’t mind a pint with Irvine Welsh.

What’s your favourite food?

Mum’s food.

Who’s your favourite person on social media right now?

Nobody. I mean, everyone can be whoever they like on social media. I don’t dig social media sensations. I don’t dig influencers. I’m not swayed by keyboard wisdom. Nothing will ever substitute human-to-human interaction.

If you could travel in time, where would you go?

Think I’d go back to the nineties, high times for music.

What book are you reading right now?

I’ve just started reading ‘‘Il Barone Rampante’’ (Italo Calvino).

If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

Teleportation would solve me a lot of problems.

What’s one thing you want to do before you die?

Go into self-exile, write books, and sit on a rocking chair as I watch the world go to the dogs.

What music are you listening to at the moment?

Thee Oh Seas – Carrion Crawler

In the shower or when you’re working out, what do you sing/listen to?

I don’t work out and there’s no way I can listen to music in the shower. There’s only me, and the voices in my head.