Blogger daddy’s call for fathers to brush up on parenting skills

One father trying to balance out the scales on the big gender divide when it comes to parenting is David Muscat Fenech Adami.

Father to almost-two year-old Sophia, the 29-year-old new dad on the block launched his own ‘dad’ blog – themaltesedaddy.com – to help expectant fathers and raise awareness against the taboo of dads being part of a child’s early development.

“You find a lot of mummy blogs out there – talking about what’s it’s like to be pregnant, and how to take care of yourself – but there weren’t many blogs from a father’s perspective. So instead we attended courses, and I bought books trying to figure out how to be the ‘perfect dad’,” says Muscat Fenech Adami, whose wife Laura is now expecting their second child in August – another girl.

“A few of my biggest concerns when I expected my first child was whether I’d be ready when she arrives, the things I needed to do, how to be a father – the list goes on.

“I count us lucky because on the day of Sophia’s birth we had a fantastic midwife. She saw that I wasn’t just one of those fathers that wanted to sit on the side-lines and be unengaged. I was always asking her about what I could do – and she guided me through it. I remember she told me, ‘I wish a lot more dads were like you,’ because she said only a few dads bother to do the research and came in prepared.”

Muscat Fenech Adami said it was the midwife who encouraged him to find his voice. “At a certain point we were joking around and she told me I should share my opinions on social media… truth be told, I’d always wanted to write a blog but I thought I wasn’t cut out for it – but she told me I should try.”

That motivation led to the creation of themaltesedaddy.com. “There aren’t any official daddy blogs in Malta – or at least that I’ve heard of. Instead, there were a few great mummy blogs, and I thought, why not become part of that community?”

However, the true inspiration behind Muscat Fenech Adami wanting to be a good father stems from his childhood. “I can say with all honestly that my childhood was amazing. I’m very close to my father; we’re best friends. Growing up, my father was always my role model. Both my parents were always there, but in terms of a father figure and how I become who I am today, it’s always been thanks to my father.”

“My motto has always been spend time with the family first, write about it later. I’m still trying to find that balance. If I’m going to write a blog, it’s going to be well researched, it’s not going to be something I threw together in twenty minutes.”

On Themaltesedaddy.com, Muscat Fenech Adami pens his personal experiences, about the challenges of fatherhood, the milestones he encountered, and recommendations for what fathers should read, services and products, all thoroughly tested by himself beforehand.

“I wanted to start the blog because in Malta there is very much a taboo – or rather the idea that mothers be prioritised when it comes to decision-making while fathers play second fiddle. I wanted to get the idea across that fathers are capable of raising children too. The way a father loves their child is different from the way a mother loves their child – different but equal – and both unconditional.”

Muscat Fenech Adami said he has tackled fatherhood the same way he tackled many things in life – by using other people’s experiences and trying to adapt and learn from them, to improve himself. “If for example, my father did something I did not agree with growing up – I’d say, maybe if he had tackled it a better way, it would have been better for me and my sister – but all this stems from my parents giving me a good foundation which I could build on.” Muscat Fenech Adami is humble about his writing abilities, but he writes about his own personal experiences and struggles. “I don’t post every day, like some influencers. I had more time when Sophia was younger – I’d post three times a week, but as she’s gotten older, it’s become tough, so I started posting just once a week, and recently less than that. I work a full-time job, and at the end of my shift I want to spend time with my family."

COVID and fatherhood

For Muscat Fenech Adami the COVID-19 lockdown has been a nice experience that allowed him to spend more time with his family. But it came with challenges: his pregnant wife had to stay home as a preventive measure against COVID-19, which meant the entire family spent two months in lockdown – with him only going out for groceries.

“I was still working an eight-hour shift, trying to always make time for my daughter who at this age wants attention all the time, trying to help my wife because she was dealing with a lot on top of being pregnant. It was an experience, to say the least.”

Muscat Fenech Adami said that during the lockdown one of the topics he tried to raise awareness on was the treatment of fathers at the birthing ward at Mater Dei Hospital, where as a precaution, fathers were being asked to wait in their cars until the later stages of childbirth.

“It was almost like they were diminishing the role of fathers during childbirth. A father or partner plays an important role in childbirth; obviously, the mother is the hero – she is the one giving birth. But us fathers are the sidekicks. We’re on the side-lines giving them support, trying our best to motivate them through this strenuous and traumatic experience. And while fathers do not know what it feels to give birth, I know it is comforting to have someone there by your side when you are going through something difficult.”

Muscat Fenech Adami wife gave birth naturally to their first-born, but there were complications. “Being there and having made a birth plan before – because it was our first child – I was able to make sane decisions for us to have a good birthing experience.” Today he thinks the extreme measures undertaken during COVID-19 could have been done differently. “Like, for example, having the parents both quarantine two weeks before their due date, and have the government step in if private employers have an issue with such mandatory self-quarantine.”

At the end of the day, Muscat Fenech Adami just wants his blog to guide parents and prepare them for the highs and lows of parenthood. “It’s important to remember that there’s no such thing as a perfect parent, above all. Trying your best is the end goal.”