A little help can make a big difference

Asking for help is a difficult thing to do. Some may not be ready to admit that they need it, others may think that it might take away from their independence. Whatever the case, many are reluctant to ask for a helping hand, and it is probably only when all other options have been exhausted that people turn to others for help.

Sometimes, asking for help is the most courageous and selfless thing to do: because it's not only those who ask for it who benefit but also those around them.

Home-Start was first established in the UK in 1973. It is a non-profit, charity organisation which helps families who have at least one child under five years of age.

Today, Home-Start International is spread over 20 countries worldwide: from Australia to Canada to Israel and Uganda. Home-Start started off in Malta in 2006, supported by Agenzija Appogg and sponsored by HSBC Malta Foundation and Vodafone Malta Foundation.

The idea behind the concept is the knowledge that parenting young children can be very demanding and tiring, and parents often feel overwhelmed with demands. Home-Start works with volunteers who have parenting experience and use their own experience to support other parents.

I met Home-Start Malta organiser Jacqueline Vella at the Access offices in Cottonera, the first locality in Malta to start benefiting from this service.

Following the success it gained, Home-Start Malta was expanded to other localities around the island.

During last year, the voluntary organisation worked with over 22 families, coming from all walks of life. Vella explained that the organisation strives to offer parent-to-parent support for those who may be finding it difficult to cope, whatever the reason is.

"Families who ask for this service are given the support they require when facing challenging situations or need assistance in the upbringing of their child but have no one to turn to," Vella said, adding that "the family might need support in dealing with health issues, multiple births, isolation or lack of parenting skills".

"Sometimes, all a parent would need is to be able to open up to someone, but they might not feel so comfortable doing it with friends or relatives. On the other hand, they might have no one to speak to. Others might not admit they need help, and many believe they can fend for themselves.

"So Home-Start offers that support, with the families knowing that the volunteer is bound with confidentiality and whatever is heard remains intact." 

Vella adds that, at the end of the day, the volunteer becomes more of a friend than a helper.

Volunteers build a friendly and supportive relationship with parents. They highlight the need to spend more quality time with the children, but also offer practical support like accompanying parents for medical appointments or other errands, helping parents organise their household chores such as cooking, cleaning and budgeting skills. Volunteers do not cook for the families or babysit for them, but offer their support and friendship.

"In fact, all volunteers must have experience in the upbringing of children," Vella says.

There is no rule on how long a volunteer stays with a particular family, but the duration of the service is based on the family's needs.

We left the agency's office and headed off to the house of a family who makes use of Home-Start.

Sharon* is a single mother of a five-year-old boy with a health condition. His condition is treatable and the boy lives a normal life: he goes to school, he plays with his classmates, goes home, plays with his pet, and quarrels with his mother when it is time to do his homework.

But Sharon did not ask for help because of her son's health condition. Sharon's past life was not an easy one and she never had a role model in her life. She didn't grow up in what many see as "normal" conditions. Becoming a mother overwhelmed her: she wanted to give the best to her son, but didn't have the know-how to do sow

It was the love for her son and the need to feel that she is truly giving her son the best she could offer that she turned to Home-Start Malta: she wanted to feel more confident bringing up her son.

We knocked on Sharon's door. A young woman opened the door, while another middle-aged woman was sitting at the kitchen's table. Sharon invited us to go in as Vella introduces me to Sharon and the volunteer - the woman at the table.

Margaret*, the volunteer, was holding a timetable in her hand and explained that both herself and Sharon were going through a tailor-made timetable for her son Jake*.

"He is a very good boy but is not very obedient when it comes to doing his homework or eating his lunch. At times he's extremely hyper and I don't know how to cope with him. This timetable helps us organise what he has to do. When the timetable is completed he will be rewarded," Sharon said, adding that she finds it very difficult to make him listen to her.

Margaret has been visiting Sharon since July, for two hours per week. If Sharon has to run errands or attend a course during those two hours, Margaret goes with her. A strong bond has formed between the two - both Sharon and Jake look forward to Margaret's visits, but most especially Sharon.

"I admit I was a bit sceptical at first. I don't like inviting people into my home but at the same time I wanted to give it a try. I had nothing to lose and I want to make sure I'm giving Jake the best I can," Sharon says, adding that now she doesn't have any regrets about accepting Margaret into her life.

"Margaret doesn't take away any of my time. If I need to go down to the grocer's she comes with me. If I need to go to the post office and there's a queue she stays with me. And we talk. She listens a lot to me... even Jake likes her and looks forward to seeing her when she comes over."

Margaret helps Sharon with parenting skills, because it is what Sharon initially asked for. Other volunteers might guide families on cooking, cleaning or feeding the baby. But Sharon yearns for a shoulder to cry on, for someone to listen to her. At the same time, Margaret helps her make space to spend more quality time with Jake - which might address the problem as to why Jake doesn't listen to his mother.

Home-Start is currently looking to recruit more volunteers. Margaret describes it as the most altruistic thing a person can do if they have time on their hands.

"I received a lot in life and I believe I brought up my children well. I am proud of my own experience as a mother and I feel I should share my experience with others. In the same way I received, I feel that I should be able to give," she said.

Those interested in joining the Home-Start team of volunteers, may call for more information on 21 678043, 23 985111 or on 99 018398; send an email on [email protected], or fill in an online form on www.appogg.gov.mt by not later than 17 February 2012.

Aġenzija Appoġġ forms part of the Foundation for Social Welfare Services which also incorporates Aġenzija Sedqa (www.sedqa.gov.mt) and Aġenzija Sapport (www.sapport.gov.mt).

* Names have been changed.