Love's flame dying down? The three-year glitch

The Seven Year Itch, a 1955 American film, features the iconic scene in which Marilyn Monroe stands over a grate while her skirt was blows above her knees by a passing train. The comedy tells the story of Richard Sherman, played by Tom Ewell, who sends his wife and child away to escape the summer heat.

In the meantime he falls for the girl renting the apartment upstairs, played by Marilyn Monroe, while she is town to make television spots for a toothpaste. He is proofing a book by a psychiatrist about the seven-year itch and goes to great lengths to remain chaste despite her efforts to lead him astray.

The seven-year itch, described as a period of restlessness affecting a couple after the first seven years of a relationship, has been used as an excuse for infidelity ever since the film in 1955. 

A recent survey conducted in the UK has shown that the thrill of a relationship has gone after three years instead of the traditional seven.

The survey, which included 2,000 British nationals, pinpointed the 36 month mark as the time when relationships reach their stress peak and often result in breakdown. The survey has identified weight gain, stinginess, snoring and hygiene as deal breakers on the relationship front.

Psychotherapist Malcolm Tortell says that in his experience relationships are not succumbing to the three-year glitch publicised in the report. However he does believe that the changing social environment has given rise to an increase in challenges facing couples.

“In my opinion a lot of people are trying hard to make their relationships last. A diverse social life, though not responsible for creating relationship breakdown will add a number of challenges to the mix.”

67% of all respondents say that minor irritations that appear to not only be harmless but endearing during the first few months of the relationship, become major irritations after 36 months.

Tortell believes that these minor problems, if not addressed in the beginning, can reach boiling point and even though the problems seemed minor to begin with they may cause the relationship to fail.

“It is important to deal with minor irritations as they arise, either to determine whether it is possible to live with the irritations or whether some sort of change needs to occur.

“However, in my experience, the major cause of relationship failure is differing life goals. Though it is possible for a relationship to break down as a result of a few extra pounds, they are easier to live with than major issues such as jobs, whether or not the family want children, the priority of family time over money or vice versa.”

More than half the people surveyed in the UK who were in younger relationships said they enjoyed sexual relations at least three times a week as opposed to 16% who were in relationships older than three years.

Tortell explains this dip in sexual relations often involves the birth of a child.

“The birth of a child takes the focus away from the couple as so much energy is involved. This is not really a bad thing for the relationship, if it is only temporary. Though it is not ideal, it is just the way that things work out.

“It is important to keep the romance alive in a relationship as once the romance dies, sexual relations usually follow suit. Once that happens the relationship turns into an administration in which case it makes more sense to live with a friend of family member.”

The report said that those in the first flushes of love can expect to receive a compliment three times a week, figure that falls to just one a week after three years in a relationship. This figure gets worse as the relationship gets older, with three in ten of those surveyed being in a relationship for five years or longer never receiving a compliment from their partners.